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2001-06-06 - 6:52 a.m.

OH, WHO KNOWS WHAT TO DO?

�King Bidgood�s in the bathtub and he won�t get out, oh, who knows what to do?�

Even today, those words are enough to get us all to run to hear my husband�s imaginative rendition of this story of a king who refuses to get out of the tub. If King Bidgood�s anything like my children, he also refused to get into that tub. I know the page gets him out by pulling the plug but how did the page get him into the tub in the first place?

If the castle is anything like this house, the king �forgot� to take a bath right up until the page could smell him from rooms away. Even after that, the king got distracted going from the royal undressing room to the tub. Perhaps he stopped to read an entire chapter book.. He may have been crabby and loudly insisted it wasn�t a good time and tomorrow morning or tomorrow evening clearly would be better.

Maybe things in the castle just don�t get as desperate. I�m sure that smart page probably has some trick to lure the king into that tub. I do wish he�d come teach it to me.

I have never understood how a girl can spend weeks picking out her outfit, days deciding on a hairstyle, and hours picking out jewelry and accessories but still forget to bathe before the big event. If I thought posting a neon sign that reads �Have you had your bath this week?� would help, I�d do it.

I wonder what would happen if I moved the tubs into their rooms. No, location�s not the problem. They love the bathroom. Preening in front of the mirror is a top ten activity. It must be something specific about the tub that�s the problem. Perhaps the prior owners painted child repellant on it.

Whatever the problem is, if that page has it solved, tell him to come to my kingdom. I�ll knight him.

(Note: King Bidgood�s in the Bathtub is by Audrey Woods.)

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