Save me from formerly-middle-class clients. Save me from those who commit securities fraud, illegally dispose of hazardous waste, and embezzle. Save me from those who end up with a public defender after spending all their money on Mr. Big-Whig-Trial-Attorney. Save me.

I wish I could say that some sort of moral judgment was involved here. It�s not. Anyone who consorts with murders and sexual predators learns not to make judgments lightly while on the job. Some days it�s hard to distinguish the victims from the perpetrators. Heck, in many of my cases the victims and perpetrators are interchangeable. Who is who depends on where they are when the music stops.

No, my dislike is purely personal. I�m tired of hearing that the guy who embezzled $50,000 isn�t really a criminal---not like my client who stole a jug of antifreeze with his finger in his pocket as though he had a gun so his car would run long enough to take him to his job at the Burger Palace. I�m tired of the whining�and these clients always whine. I�m tired of the threats to report me to the Office of Lawyer Regulation�and playing Clint Eastwood in response. If these clients were truly gifted at manipulation they would manage to escape arrest like most other corporate big-whigs.

Their expectations are way out of line. Some days I want to say to them, �Welcome to the HMO of the legal profession.� Although my legal work itself will be top-notch, I just can�t schedule hour appointments with lots of hand-holding when the legal aspects of the job can be done well in half that time. I also can�t offer them a choice of another lawyer if they don�t like me. As a general rule, we�re stuck with each other even if we feel like we�ve put our fingers on the end of a hot glue gun.

I don�t approve of murder, I don�t approve of rape, and I don�t approve of robbery. I don�t even approve of shoplifting or disorderly conduct (unless it�s mine). But I can deal with the people who do these things. No, it�s chronic whiners who should get the death penalty. (Well, at least if I believed in the death penalty, which I don�t, but why let such details get in the way of a good fantasy.)

So, give me your tired, your poor, your huddled convicts yearning to breathe free. But save me from the refugees from the middle class. Save me.

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