Now that Kat is definitely interested in boys and Day-Hay is occasionally thinking about them I�ve started racking my brain for what exactly I want to tell them about these wonderful things called romantic love and marriage. Like most wonderful things, they have a downside. How do I tell them about it?

My dad would tell me to save my breath. When I was trying to decide what to tell graduating eighth graders, he told me, �It really doesn't matter [what you say] - most of them won�t believe a word you say. After all, you're over 18. Just as you did, they'll learn for themselves.� I guess I just haven�t gotten old enough to accept that wisdom is person-specific and can rarely be passed on.

Perhaps I can have some impact if my message is simple enough and I repeat it enough. I have a whole list of rules about marriage that include such items as �People rarely change in fundamental ways and they never do so because of their spouse,� �Marry a man, marry his family�whether you like them or not,� �Mind your manners, ESPECIALLY with your spouse,� and �No one is a mind reader.� I�ll never get them to listen to a list of rules right now no matter how good those rules are. Besides, how do you put �Marry a man, marry his family� in the same book as �Return your library books on time,� especially when they know that Mom is hopeless at returning library books on time.

The common theme--- the essence---of all of these rules seems to be that love alone is not enough. I believe with all of my heart that love is not enough. I�ve never been much of a romantic. (According to Mr. Philately�s former secretary, I haven�t a romantic bone in my body. She just couldn�t believe I really preferred receiving a really good dictionary to receiving flowers or a sexy nightgown. Believe it!)

If love is not enough, what more is needed? At an absolute minimum, you better be certain that you can live with the other person�s quirks. With a lot of patience and effort, one can make slight changes in a spouse�s habits. Mr. Philately no longer puts wet towels on the bed and I no longer leave cabinets open when they are over my head. The quirks, however, get worse with time�or perhaps they just seem worse. Quirky people seem to get more quirky with age whether they be family, friends, or spouses (and that includes me.) I don�t think I�ll tell them about quirks, though, or I�ll get a discussion of all of the quirks Mr. Philately and I display. Kat�s a teen, after all, and Day-Hay�s a preteen.

No, I�ll stick to the basics. Love is not enough and neither is a cute rear end�although both sure help.

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