UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

NEW SPECIMENS OLD SPECIMENS THE SCIENTIST MY LOG CONTACT ME
2001-08-24 - 11:15 a.m.

(I feel like a guerrilla poster. I still do not have my computer back. This entry is coming to you courtesy of Mr. Philately's office computer. I tried using our old computer but it is too mentally challenged to handle the internet as it is currently configured.)

STRIP SIMON SAYS

Forget Barbie. Forget the little spike hells that cripple parents for days when they step on them. Forget the poor body image Barbie supposedly engenders in impressionable young things. Forget the way Barbies lurk naked under beds and behind couches. DivaStar has arrived and my young cousin introduced us.

Unlike Barbie, DivaStar comes with permanent underwear but that's the best that can be said for her. DivaStar's clothes have no back to them. They are little plastic snap-on numbers that let her south end hang out. She wears only the front of a shirt and the front of her pants. She even sleeps in half-pajamas (fronts only) that are so much easier to remove than those elaborate Barbie outfits.

Unlike most Barbies, DivaStar talks. Talking dolls begin with at least two strikes against them. They always say the wrong thing at the wrong time---over and over and loudly. After a brief initial fascination, I even hated the Chatty Cathys of my youth. But at least what they said was appropriate.

At first, DivaStar was just a bit more annoying than Chatty Cathy. Her statements were more varied but then technology has improved in thirty years. Her statements also were more copious. Once you turn her on, she'll talk spontaneously, no string-pulling required. She's an incessant talker, whining that it is too early for pajamas and yelling "ouch!" after asking you to brush her hair. If I want that kind of conversation, I'll talk to a child.

Then I heard IT. I had to hear it twice to be sure. The doll actually said, "Let's play Simon Says. Simon Says take off my blue blouse. Simon Says take off my purple skirt." The doll plays Strip Simon Says.

Strip Simon Says strikes me as much more fun than the old game of doctor. You can win (of sorts) at Strip Simon Says. You have some control in Strip Simon Says.

So, if you suddenly hear your daughter say to the boy new door, "Let's play Simon Says," worry---and blame DivaStar.

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