I�m out of step again. I shouldn�t be surprised because I�m often out of step. I think I inherited being slightly out of step from my parents�both of them�but I got the confidence to accept it largely from my mother.

What am I out of step on this time? Well, while many of my friends fear becoming their mothers, I think it would be neat to become my mother. I like her, I admire her, and I trust her. Any woman could do far, far, far worse than to grow up to be my mother.

What�s not to admire? My mother, in a time and place when it was uncommon, was never afraid to believe that she was as smart as most men in male fields such as math and economics. My mother has an amazing amount of common sense and gives very practical advise on most matters when asked. My mother is one heck of a Scrabble player and a tennis player. (I�ll never be either.) Most important, however, my mother has managed to let me know in terms I can understand that it is okay not to be like her and that she thinks the way I do many things is pretty terrific even if she would do them differently. She has made it clear that I am to live my life for me and not hers for her. It took me years to realize how rare it is not only that she feels that way but that she can communicate it so clearly.

Thinking analytically, little chance exists that I will become my mother. We share many values, we share history, and we share interests (well, not tennis) but our temperaments are worlds apart. When people have a hard time or get frustrated, some of them seem to have homicidal tendencies while others have suicidal tendencies.* The homicidal types, like me, take all of our frustrations and anger and hurl them at others openly. The suicidal types, like Mom, turn them all inward and get depressed. This difference, among a few others, keeps me from being capable of turning into my mother.

I feel sorry for the mothers and daughters who never really reach the point we�ve reached. My mother is one of my best friends: the kind of really good best friend who will tell me when my slip is showing. (She�s also one of Mr. Philately�s good friends. As he once explained it, he�s set for life because if I go to my mother and complain about him, she�ll tell me that I married him so I have to deal with him and if I go to his mother, she�ll tell me that he�s perfect and I should give him what he wants.) I wouldn�t mind becoming my mother at all�if it were possible.

*Please note that I am not saying that either my mother or I are likely to kill anyone.

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