UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

NEW SPECIMENS OLD SPECIMENS THE SCIENTIST MY LOG CONTACT ME
2001-09-12 - 11:00 a.m.

UNFOCUSED

Most of my entries are thinking entries. They may be full of emotion but they are designed around thought. Thinking without writing is an excellent activity. Writing without thinking is drivel. Today you get drivel. My thoughts are unfocused.

When we lived in New York City, I worked near the World Trade Center. I got off the subway at the World Trade Center. I walked up just a few blocks. I've seen my old office building in the news and my old office itself in my nightmares. I'm sure I know people who have died. I probably went to law school with them or worked with them.

To the extent possible, Mr. Philately and I will do what we were planning to do. What else can we do? Here in London nothing we do will make any difference and the truth is, except for trying to comfort children, nothing we would do at home would make any difference.

Before I came here, in my timidity, I reassured myself that if something happened I could get home to my children. It might cost a lot of money but it could be done. For now, it can't and I'm glad that they are being well taken care of by their grandparents. I can, and have, e-mailed them (and received e-mail from Day-Hay.) I can, but haven't, picked up a telephone. I never dreamed something like a war would break out. I never dreamed that when it did, I'd be an ocean away.

I can't focus more specifically on what I'm thinking. I'm holding all those more directly affected in my thoughts but I can't even focus well on what I'm feeling--and that's not like me.

I'm unfocused. I'm in shock.

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