I�m not very good at holding a grudge. Considering how stubborn I can be (or, if you�re looking at me in a better light, how persistent I can be), it�s obviously not that I lack the attention span required. Considering how intense I can be, it�s not that I lack the passion. Considering my quick temper, it�s not that I lack the capacity for anger. No, it�s more that I�ve decided that grudges are wasteful and dangerous.

I�m rarely surprised by anger. I�m not surprised by grudges. I am saddened when I see people who let their grudges define them and who flaunt them as badges of glory. There is as wide a chasm between saccharin sweet writing and refreshingly honest writing as there is between refreshingly honest writing and angry whiny writing about the same people over and over. Anyone who knows me knows I have no affinity for saccharin sweet but it looks appealing if angry whining is the only other choice.

Nursing anger requires too much energy for my taste. Grudges require poking one�s self over and over in whatever hurt has occurred to make sure no scab forms and the cut doesn�t heal. Watching grudges is as much fun as watching a kid pick off a scab just to see what�s underneath. They certainly are not proof of toughness. When grudges are trotted out---online or in real life---as though I am supposed to applaud them, I emotionally head for the nearest exit, keeping in mind that the nearest exit may be behind me.

Feuds make some sense to me. Actions provoke reactions sometimes faster than sense can assert itself. But I can�t comprehend the appeal of one-sided grudges at all. Fire devours and consumes. If it can�t find fuel in the object of the grudge, it will devour the one holding it. I worry about people who hold one-sided grudges over small things.

Don�t misunderstand me. I�m not suggesting that there is anything wrong with well-placed anger. I�d be the last person to suggest that there is something wrong with well-placed anger. I long ago found the power in some of my anger. Well-placed anger can be a catalyst for positive change. Wallowing in anger, however, tends to produce unattractive sulks, destructive mobs and, on rare occasions, suicide bombers.

So, if you want to hold a grudge, go ahead. I recognize the limits of my power. I can�t stop you. You will have to do it without me though. After I find that exit, I�m heading for sunshine.

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