2002-10-15 - 4:01 p.m.
SECOND MOTHERS
My second mother called today. No, I�m not adopted, not exactly. But there was a period of my life, when I was first on my own and had just discovered that I had multiple sclerosis, when I needed mothering and independence at the same time. My mother�s best friend jumped in and helped. I�ve always been grateful to my other mother for taking me in and to my own mother for being wise enough to think this relationship was good. Now I�m grateful to my mother for teaching me that second mothers are terrific.
My younger daughter has a second mother. Her second mother is the mother of one of her closest friends. Some weeks, she practically lives at their house. This past week when I was in the hospital, both girls ended up over there. I could be jealous but I�m not. I�m thrilled. A good, solid second mother for a teenage (or, in Day-Hay�s case, almost teenage) girl is wonderful.
I�ve never understood parents who needed to hold their children so close that others were crowded out. Having other people who truly love my child does not undercut my position. Yes, sometimes Day-Hay can take advice from her second mother that right now she cannot take directly from me. That phenomenon is part of being twelve. Her second mother gives her adult guidance without the baggage of dependence that her own mother, by virtue of being her mother, brings.
I am grateful for her second mother. A girl with a sensible second mother is less likely to feel insignificant or get into trouble. A girl with a second mother is a girl with a wealth of coping resources. A girl with a second mother is a girl surrounded by love and community.
Thank heavens for second mothers.
____
Update: The guidance counselor did eventually call me and face the music. We smoothed things over as well as could be done under the circumstances. I do feel better for actually talking to her.
LAST YEAR: Real-Life Heroism
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Nice
Fog
The Waterworks Factory
Receiving
Welcome to Waterloo (by Kat)
previous - next
|
Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
