2002-12-06 - 1:33 p.m.
ALONG FOR THE RIDE
Raising children is often an adventure that takes parents places them never dreamed they would go. Raising Kat, in particular, has caused me to look at the world differently. While Kat has developed into a wonderful, bright, caring, and charming young woman, she has a few quirks. That these quirks are only quirks is the result of a lot of hard work�from her, from her parents, from her teachers, and from the community at large. For Kat was the kind of kid who needed to be taught what many children absorb without much effort by those around them.
Kat has never had a firm diagnosis that even begins to explain her. Some medical records exist which refer to her as having been developmentally delayed. The label, while true to some extent, is misleading. Yes, she had to be taught to climb stairs. Yes, she had to be taught to zip zippers and still, at fifteen, checks to make sure that the jeans she is buying do not have a snap or button that she cannot handle. Yes, she has great difficulty mimicking movements and when she swims her crawl has an odd �catch� in it that seems to be her mind deliberately thinking out each piece of the movement. But she is extraordinarily bright. Heck, she could have read those medical records when they were generated even though she was six at the time.
She also has been diagnosed as having sensory integration disorder and has received occupational therapy for it. Even today, I find myself watching for signs of sensory overload to try to avoid trouble before it starts and explaining to the Spanish teacher, who instinctively sensed that Kat needed to be on the periphery of a room in the last hour of the day, why her decision to put Kat in the back worked so well. The kid simply handles �too much� better if she can see where as much of the �too much� as possible comes from. Sudden loud noises still undo her although she hides her disintegration fairly well. She no longer assumes that people �rammed into her� from behind if they brush up against her but only because she intellectually accepts that her sense of how hard she was bumped may not comport with what happened.
To my knowledge, no one ever came up with a label for her difficulties with non-verbal communication. I�ve always just analyzed them as a type of learning disability even though she doesn�t strictly meet the criteria for non-verbal learning disability. Until you have a kid who has great difficulty understanding what has not been explicitly said, you probably have no real appreciation of just how much communication in our world is not verbal. You do not think about how much meaning tone conveys. You don�t think about gesture. I�m surprised my body language is not ridiculously dramatic given how many years I�ve spent exaggerating it to make it easier for Kat to learn. Studying acting where the teachers emphasize physical movement and motion also has helped. For years I put out my hand to keep her from invading my space when talking so that she could learn where to stand. We�ve come a long what but I suspect that some of Kat�s preference for men as friends occurs because difficulty reading body language is often more of a handicap in a circle of women. I�ve also had to explain to more than one incredulous teacher that Kat really did not know that he or she always wrote the homework on the board because the teacher did not say it.
And then there are the organizational difficulties. While they have improved over time, I find myself teaching her how to make sure she has papers from earlier in the term so she can study for finals. I find myself double-checking when important papers such as next year�s class registration sheets are due because she sometimes has trouble with deadlines.
Nor did anyone ever diagnose the reasons for the rigidity of her thinking at times. The same child who could take wild flights in fantasy could not stand changes. The same child who sometimes could not comply the rules believed in absolute rules. Here was a child who desperately needed to be taught that not all rules were equal�and that she has learned.
It�s been an adventure, it will be an adventure, and I�m sure glad I�m along for the ride.
LAST YEAR: Dear Kat and Day-Hay
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Junkyard
Slip Sliding Away
Just Another Manic Monday
The Limits of Might and Power
The Act of Creation
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
