2002-09-29 - 12:05 a.m.
This entry is this month�s collaboration for On Display. This month�s topic is �Thinking outside the box has become a cliche. What�s inside your box?�
INSIDE THE BOX
What�s inside the box? How on earth should I know? This week is no time for taking inventory. I�m too busy standing here in the dark desperately trying to keep the lid closed so nothing more escapes. I�m all the way up on pointe with arms fully extended in an elegant fifth position with the very tips of my fingers on the edge of the box. And if I let go...
All I�m sure is in here is my will. That�s so powerful I can�t miss it. It�s powerful but it�s not enough. I can continue through pain and uncertainty. I can lead my Friday girl scout meeting after a difficult morning. I can prepare for tomorrow�s Sunday School class because I promised to sub for someone sicker than I long before I knew that illness was a force that I�d have to reckon with. I long ago learned to put one foot in front of the other, even on toe shoes and even in the dark. I can put one foot in front of the other even when I�m not sure what I�ll step on and even when I�m not sure the box will hold. But I don�t like it...
I suppose, if challenged, I�d say that God was in here too. But I�d be taking that on faith. I suppose I always take that on faith so today is no different from any other day in that respect. Yet there are days that God�s presence feels more real to me here inside this box than today. God�s always much easier to sense when things are right than when things seem wrong. The more philosophical side of me might say that it�s ironic that more is required when less is available and might see some humor in that concept. Yet today it�s not funny...
Clearly, I have some obligation in here. I am subbing. As long as I wake up tomorrow, I�m subbing. I promised and that�s all there is to it. Besides, I can�t just sit around. Life doesn�t stop just because tough things happen. That�s one of the beauties of life. It�s so overwhelming. I�m still a member of a community and as long as I can contribute, I should contribute. Until my sole possible contribution is letting others give to me...
Hmmm. I guess I am taking inventory despite myself. It�s late and I know that sleep is not inside the box. But still I ought to try.....
LAST YEAR: Still Back in Junior High
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
The Right Question
Silence as a Measure
Having No Life
Wider Opportunities
Zero Sum Winning
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
