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09/04/2005 - 4:48 p.m.

GOOD LUCK TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM

Last night, after pushing Kat out of the nest, Mr. Philately and I returned home very briefly, took showers, and went to the wedding of one of his good friends. It was time for this wedding. His friend and the bride had been engaged for a long, long time. I was beginning to think that they (actually, read: Mr. Philately's friend) liked the promise but had no intention of fulfillment. I was glad to see that I was wrong.

We missed the ceremony because we could not get back from Illinois quickly enough. The bride and groom knew we would miss the ceremony and had urged us to come to the reception anyway so we did. One of the greatest obligations in Judaism is to celebrate with the bride and groom and we did. The bride looked lovely but the bride, as Mr. Philately has pointed out, would have looked good in a burlap sack. Always stylish, even if she's setting her own, she wore a lovely ivory dress with a beautiful train in the back. People spoke in small groups of her beauty and the dress---and there it ended.

While I had a good time, I came away slightly empty. It wasn't the couple, exactly. The groom glowed and grinned in the bride's presence. It wasn't the setting. It was a lovely place and a lovely night. It wasn't my table�although I think I sat with too many middle-aged former frat boys. It was the speeches.

There is an art to a good wedding toast. At "see me" weddings where the friends just have to speak and be seen, there is a particular art to a good wedding toast. A good wedding toast doesn't just give lip service to both members of the couple. It truly acknowledges both members of the couple. By that criterion, there was no good wedding toast because, if all I had to draw on was last night, I know a lot about the groom. The bride could have been just about anyone.

The bride had carefully chosen her dress and the place. Knowing the two of them, I suspect she chose the menu, the decorations, the centerpieces, and the tablecloths. Unfortunately for her, she did not chose the people who would toast and, apparently, her family was overmatched by the groom's friends.

But I remember that she was there and so do a few others. What will really matter is whether, having decided he would marry her, the groom can remember it too.

Good luck to them. They may need it (and I hate leaving weddings feeling like that.)

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