2002-11-03 - 8:55 p.m.
BULLYING
Bullying rears its head in all sorts of places. Whether it thrives often is dependent upon the adults around. How willing they are to see evil and, more important, to confront it, makes the difference between flare-ups and continuing misery. When adults are too wrapped up in preserving either their illusions or the peace, the result is ugly.
Bullying has reared its head in Kat�s religious school class. Kat is not the target, at least not yet, but that does not mean that the bullying does not leave its mark. Of late, every week I send her off into a treacherous situation. If she does not step in, she feels guilty for not doing everything she can to prevent harm. If she does step in, she makes herself a target. I�m glad that she does not see joining in as an option. Other teens, kids who normally would not engage in deliberate cruelty, are joining in once the ugliness starts, perhaps because they are not sure what else to do to avoid becoming targets.
Kat has been telling me what is going on. I believed her�but only to a point. Kat can be a bit dramatic. Today, however, I was able to investigate. If anything, she has been underplaying the situation. I assumed, wrongly, that the adults were not seeing it because it was surreptitious. As I stood outside the door, I realized that it was blatant. Usually, teenage ringleaders whisper, mutter, or are relatively subtle. That very quietness is an indication that they expect that the adults will disapprove. These teenagers are willing to say and do cruel things directly in front of their teacher and the assistant rabbi and expect that they will not be challenged.
Why is the situation the way it is? Well, in part, I suspect it is because the ringleaders are from old families. To deal with the problem would be to confront some adults who are among those who take great pride in community standing. In part, it is because the adults take pride in believing that our kids are good kids. In part, it is because the philosophy that we should see the best in everyone has been taken so far that it requires us to close our eyes to moral guidance.
Today I took the first step in bringing the problem out into the open. I spoke with our education director. She acknowledged that she was aware of the problem but did not know how to get people to put aside their pride and deal with it. I promised that I would pursue it. I have to pursue it. When something is radically wrong, it must be pursued. Believing the best of people doesn�t mean ignoring what is wrong. It means giving them the opportunity to set it right and assuming, until proven otherwise, that they will do so. If nothing happens, I will pull Kat out of the class. If a situation cannot be fixed, I protect my own as best as possible.
Our junior rabbi is quite young and quite nice. When I speak with her (and I am making an appointment tomorrow), we�ll actually see what she�s made of. I�ve often wondered whether she is just very young or whether she is by nature naive. This situation may give me my answer. A group of tenth graders are about to become her testing ground. I think it might be easier to be Daniel facing the lions but she doesn�t get to make that choice.
Yes, children in a religious school class can behave badly. One or two instances of bad behavior, in-and-of-themselves, is not a reflection on a community gone wrong. Allowing it to continue because we are more afraid of how we look than of providing moral guidance is.
I hate having to challenge religious institutions to live up to their religious ideals yet here I find myself doing it again. I guess every synagogue needs a rabble-rouser and I�m what ours has. Still, I doubt anyone there is going to be grateful for me----this week.
LAST YEAR: Wishing Guliani Luck
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Just What the World Needs
The Little Glimpses
It�s All in How You Look at It
Thank You, Mary
The View From the Bottom
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
