2003-02-11 - 9:18 p.m.
AN ASHCROFT IN CAHOOTS?
Never assume evil until you have ruled out stupidity�and there is more stupidity out there than you could have imagined. Similarly, never assume conspiracy until you have ruled out coincidence�and the monkeys manage to type out a Shakespearian play by accident far more often that you could have imagined. Despite living by these sound rules, I truly believe the events of today were neither stupid nor coincidental. It finally snowed, the plows were not out, and the information on Kat�s upcoming driver�s ed class arrived in the mail.
The evil, of course, was the failure to call out the snow plows at a reasonable time. I slogged down one of the main drags several hours after it had begun snowing and no plow at all had come through. Nor had any salt truck. Such events are unheard of in this town�unless we�ve been lulled into a false sense of security. Now you might be inclined to chalk this failure up to stupidity based upon a certain lack of experience with snow this year. But you�d be wrong.
It�s Ashcroft�s fault and he did it on purpose. The guys who send out the snowplows are the same guys that are tapped to devise plans to save us from evil and that orange alert had their knickers in a twist. A guy with twisted knickers can�t be expected to send out a snowplow when he�s that uncomfortable. Ashcroft knows such things. He�s counting on it. You see, if some Canadian terrorist slipped down through here, Ashcroft wants him stopped cold. But he knows cold is not enough. Those Canadians thrive on cold. So he needs snow. It�s not that the Canadians can�t handle snow. Of course they can. But even the Canadians can�t handle a bunch of Wisconsinites sans snowplows who have forgotten over the summer how to drive in the stuff.
As for conspiracy, there�s the matter of the snow not falling all winter in the first place�until today. It�s Kat�s fault. I�m now sure that she arranged it. I�m not sure how she arranged it but she did. We spent the fall telling her that we would start her driving in April or so when we were sure that she would not be learning to drive in the snow. As the winter progressed and the snow did not fall, we relented. We relented and agreed to a March driver�s ed class. After all, why worry about snow in a snowless winter? Don�t you see, Kat directly benefitted from the lack of snow. But now she has our agreement. Today she realized that she did not need a snowless winter. And it snowed. What more do we need to know?
For all I know, Ashcroft, from all of his spying on ordinary citizens, learned of Kat�s plan. It would be easy enough to read her keystrokes as she typed messages on a computer. They come so slowly that even our president could read them. N............O................S..........N....... Well, you get the picture.
An Ashcroft in cahoots? Sounds crazy, no. Yet in our little village of Milwaukee.....
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
