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2003-11-20 - 10:12 a.m.

THE CAT IN THE HAT

�The Cat in the Hat� is great children�s literature. It is funny. It is subversive. It is full of action and drama and poetry. The sounds of that book, oh, the sounds. And all of it happens using just fifty different words. Sometimes limitations are bars but sometimes they seem to be inspirations. But will I see the movie �The Cat in the Hat?� Not on your life. Even the idea of a movie of a book intended to inspire beginning readers is sacrilege.

I have begun to see the trailers for the movie and I already can see that it is all wrong. First, what is that monstrosity with the red and white hat that purports to be the The Cat? The Cat, the real cat, while large, is not a scary creature. A young Kat would have taken one look at the movie�s The Cat and run screaming from the theater. (Yes, we are talking about the same Kat that was afraid of clowns and still, to this day, shudders when she sees E.T.) Day-Hay would have averted her eyes. This Cat is puffy, not slim and trim. This Cat looks as though he has eaten too much and perhaps not all of it has been cat food.

And Mike Myers as The Cat? Absurd! The key to The Cat, the quality that makes him so important is that he is subversive. He has dignity and believes, truly believes in his mission. His mission is to have fun and �[i]t�s fun to have fun but you have to know how.� The how is to loosen up some anxious children who have been left alone. You don�t loosen them up by filling up all the space. You loosen them up by pulling them along. Disaster must be possible but not obvious. Heck, anyone who has ever seen Mike Myers go over the top knows disaster is not only possible but likely. The kids cannot be totally impotent. Powerlessness is not subversive. Subversive is not �you can�t.� Subversive is �you could.�

I am not always opposed to turning books into movies. Many �B� level books make great movies. Few �A� level books (and �The Cat in the Hat� is an �A� level book) make great movies. What makes them �A� level books often involves a quality that is unique to their medium. It involves individualized imagination and a turn of phrase.

So I will NOT be going to see the �The Cat in the Hat.� Not now. Not ever. And I will run screaming from the room if anyone tries to make me after the stupid thing comes out in DVD.

Even if that anyone is some grandchild not yet conceived.

Now, do you want to hear what I really think of it?

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