It�s been long enough since I had a cold that I almost forgot the stages of a cold. Truly, one of the greatest blessings in my life is that my children are old enough to blow their own noses and throw away their tissues afterwards. Since we�ve hit that milestone, I�ve had a lot fewer colds. Still, I can�t have too few colds for my taste.

It wasn�t until Tuesday that I realized that I had a cold. In retrospect, the cold began on Saturday. I was achy, particularly in my back, but blamed it on wearing heels and flying in a seat that was too big in an aisle that was too small. It was a strange backache, unlike the lower back ache I occasionally get. It was quickly followed by that stage I call, �the bad allergy stage.� In the bad allergy stage, I decide that my allergies are really acting up. This stage, however, can only be recognized as a cold stage in retrospect because some days are truly bad allergy days. The bad allergy days and the �bad allergy stage� can be distinguished only in retrospect.

The next stage involves not only sniffles but that feeling that one is walking through water. Each step takes an inordinate amount of effort. Worse, if you�re me, it�s a little hard to complain because of voicelessness. At my best, I sound like Lauren Bacall. People I speak to will tell me that I sound sexy but sex is the furthest thing from my mind. This stage is the �I think I�m gonna die� stage. Yes, I know it is only a cold but it feels totally toxic. Things are still getting worse, not better. I wheeze (and sleep upright) and sneeze and ache and drag. Surely, there must be an end to this suffering and surely the end must be death.

A few days pass and things aren�t worse but they aren�t much better. Then it dawns on me. I�m not going to die. I�m just going to be tortured by this cold forever. There is a hell and it�s here on earth. This is the �this cold is forever� stage. The less dramatic would never think such thoughts�but I am not among the less dramatic. Besides, the first place cold viruses attack is my brain. They make me stupid (which is why I�m off to drop off a check to someone in person in just a few minutes when that check should have been mailed on Wednesday.) I should be forgiven for emoting rather than thinking rationally. The cold made me do it.

Finally, I hit the �daytime is okay but watch out for nights� stage and although I am tired, I start feeling more hopeful. My voice is still a bit gravelly and I sniffle a bit but I can function during the day quite nicely. A nap might be nice (and, as this is a girl scout meeting day, perhaps impossible) but I�ll make it through. I�ll be okay until the coughing and wheezing start at night. This is the stage where the thought of sleeping while lying down sounds like heaven�and seems almost as unattainable.

Still, I�m together enough now to remember that I do not have a dread disease and things could be worse. I�ll be okay. And I promise�by tomorrow I will not be whining anymore. By tomorrow I�ll be past the whining stage.

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