Mr. Philately has been in business for himself for approximately two years. Being in business for himself has agreed with him. He is much happier at work when he sets the standards and the tasks that need to be done. He loves the autonomy. His happiness is very good for us. Unfortunately, the law of unintended consequences operates even in this endeavor. Unfortunately, the negative unintended consequences fall on me.

Most of the time, I am barely aware of those negative consequences. Yes, he seems to work more hours and I don�t expect that to change anytime soon. Still, his job is reasonably flexible and he is very astute. He seems to know just when I need him to use that flexibility and take on some household task that is one task too much. Sometimes he becomes aware because I directly tell him I am on overload but sometimes he figures it out for himself.

Today, however, I am facing one of the big psychological consequences that he cannot do anything about. Before the start of his own law firm, Mr. Philately not only made money (although not quite as much) but he also carried the family health insurance. Nowadays, the health insurance is through my job and is in my name. That change, little as it is and inconsequential as it is most days, is the source of the problem.

Almost everyone who works (heck, almost everyone who lives) occasionally gets burned out. Even doing things that you generally love, you hit a day once in a while in which the familiar, generally beloved tasks seem boring, or worse, pointless. One moody day is easy enough to shrug off, telling yourself that it will pass. When one moody day becomes several days, you begin to feel trapped. You start looking for ways out. At least I do.

And that was how I used to console myself and get myself through the bad patches at work. I used to tell myself, �Well, if things don�t improve in a week or two, I could always quit.� I knew that while it would require belt-tightening, we could make it on Mr. Philately�s salary. But having looked at the health insurance situation when Mr. Philately went out on his own, I know that I can�t quit now. If I quit, we lose our health insurance. Private health insurance, at least for some of us, is an impossibility and I am not foolhardy enough to leave us uncovered.

In the past, just telling myself that I could quit made things better. I wasn�t trapped. I was making a choice that could be unmade. Once I started considering the choice, I came up with all sorts of reasons why I did not want to make that change---and I was refreshed enough to fall in love with my job all over again.

Now, I just feel trapped. Fantasies of becoming a work-only-at-home mother clearly are just that----fantasies and dreams. While I may have a choice about where I work and what I do, it doesn�t feel like nearly as much of a choice.

Yet I feel whiny even discussing the subject. There�s nothing new in my feelings. Men have been feeling this way about their jobs for years. My belief that there should be a choice is largely a female perception---and an upper class one at that. Beliefs about motherhood or any other principled reasons have nothing to do with this problem. It�s purely a matter of wanting to feel more free even if I conduct myself the way I would anyway.

Still, it would have been nice to keep what I had. It would have been nice to break the law of unintended consequences.

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