The sign is over life�s highway, lit up in bright neon colors. It�s even flashing. It reads, �Danger Ahead� but it doesn�t say how far ahead. It could be a week, it could be a month, it could be six months, or it could be a year. There�s no way of knowing. But it�s coming and it likely will be sooner rather than later. Yes, we�re on death watch for the van but on some level, I think I knew it months ago.

Our old, balding van has been showing its age for a while. It has the aches and pains of a van its age and then some. It�s already endured the car equivalent of a broken hip: a broken axle. This past week it flunked admissions testing and, in the middle of a heat spell, its blower stopped working (except on high). One could either freeze in rapidly blowing cold air or die of the heat.

This time, we put in the approximately $750 dollars it required to keep going. We said, �Go ahead, fix all those wires and assorted other parts.� We ignored the message in the mechanic�s, �If you really want me to....� We threw some good money after the money we put into it not all that long ago.

But this time, as I dropped Mr. Philately off to get the van, he and I looked at each other. We communicated with each other without saying a word and then, being me, I put it into language just to be sure I got it. �This is the last time...� I began and he finished my sentence. �We�re putting this much money into an old van.� So now it is official. The death watch has begun.

We make decisions differently he and I. He takes a while, turns them over and over, studies them, considers each option carefully, and then he�s ready he decides (although even after he�s ready, he thinks back). I reach a decision all at once. It looks as though I�m impulsive and haven�t thought things through but if quizzed, I can give you my options and my reasons. He makes his decisions on the surface of his mind, thoughtfully. I make mine more subconsciously, yet still thoughtfully, and then I don�t look back.

Therein lies the problem. Therein lies the danger that lurks just ahead. It probably doesn�t matter how we reached the decision that this big repair is the last. We readily and quickly agreed so no one will want explanations and no one will second guess. The problem is that deciding to give up on the van is a one-variable decision. Deciding what car to get and how much to spend on it is a multi-variable decision, taxing both our ability to compromise and our ability to accommodate each other�s styles. I don�t believe we�ll ever get divorced but if we do I guarantee that buying a car will have more to do with it than some other man or woman.

The telephone just rang and, yes, that ring was very close to the death knell. After the repairs, Mr. Philately took the van for emissions testing again. This time it flunked by a bigger margin than before. He says he thinks we can get a waiver for this year. If not, we�re at new car time now. If so, we have to do something within the year. The fall is often a good time for looking for good used cars.

So, wish us luck as we negotiate the bumps and curves ahead. We�re going to need it.

LAST YEAR: In the Dim

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Copyright 2006 by Ellen