There�s something wrong with this computer. I suspect it has a bad memory stick. I suppose I should be patient with it. After all, I would like people to be nice to me if I ever develop a bad memory stick. I certainly hope that at least my family will manage to be nice to me if I ever develop a bad memory stick.

On the other hand, this computer is not a child, it�s an employee. While I would hire an employee with a bad memory stick for some jobs, a good memory is a valid requirement for this job. I tried granting this computer sick leave last summer for surgery on its memory (and its fried power supply) but the computer�s health improved only a short time. I believe it has used up its sick leave but I�m not sure because the sick leave database is stored in this computer�s bad memory.

Even if it has sick leave left, I�m not sure the computer can afford any more medical care. I think it forgot to pay its insurance premiums so the cost will have to come out of pocket. I don�t believe there is medicaid for computers. Heck, these days there is barely medicaid for poor people. Besides, even if the computer had medicaid, I�d never find a computer tech in this town who�d take it.

I�m seriously considering firing the thing. I used to be concerned that such actions might result in a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act but I am a state employee and states no longer can be sued for violating that act. The only possible wrinkle is that I only partially use this computer for state business. Much of the business it gets used for is children�s business.

If I can�t qualify for the protection a state gets, I also need to consider the possibility of a age discrimination suit. I�m not sure what the average life span of a computer is but given the number of computers we have owned over the last 13 years, I suspect it�s only four or five years. In other words, one of our years is almost 25 computer years. Under that line of reasoning, this computer is approximately 50 years old. Certainly that makes it old enough to claim age discrimination. Being diagnosed with the computer equivalent of a stroke just buttresses the darn thing�s claim.

Even if I fire it, I can�t be sure my life will improve. If I have the same luck looking for a replacement that my office had replacing the last secretary who quit, I�ll have to go through two or three computers before I find one that will let me both type and file correctly. I�ll also have to endure at least one that bursts into tears if I make any complaint about its performance.

By now, I�m sure you�ve figured out that it is not only the computer that is having problems. You know that missing memory? I think it�s dating my sanity�and they�ve gone out together.

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