I always have believed in handling children's fears as much as possible by giving them a feeling of competence. When Day was seven, a house fire killed an entire family that belonged to our synagogue. While the reason for the fire was never clear, the fire department suspected their dryer. Day then learned to do laundry and work the dryer. She worked out her fears and I got clean clothes all at the same time.

But we have gone further here. When the kids were little, we used to play the "what if" game while riding in the car. Some of the questions were silly such as "what would you do if an elephant sat on your sandbox?" Many of them were serious ones such as "what would you do if your mommy fell and needed an ambulance to help?" We had fun but we also built skills.

As the girls got older, the competencies got more significant. When they became teenagers, I had them get certified in first aid and CPR. The family that splints together---and all that. The second time around we even got Mr. Philately to do it with us. What I have tried to mold are self-reliant, reliable children�and in general I have gotten that. Both girls are calm and helpful in real emergencies. Like their mother, they do first and only later, when it no longer matters, do they melt down.

Today all that effort paid off. As one of her high school classes, Kat is an intern at our local elementary school. She works with her former kindergarten teacher with the four-year-old kindergarten. Usually, her job as an intern consists of reading to the kids, helping get them down the hallways in reasonable fashion, occasionally working one-on-one, and helping out at free play. But today was a bit different.

It was snack time and they were having a "healthy" snack. They were having grapes. They were sitting and eating when the little boy next to her failed to chew one of his grapes and he choked. He really choked. He could not cough, he could not talk, he could not breathe, and Kat noticed that he was starting to panic. Kat alerted the teacher, who went for the phone for help. The classroom aide came over but she seemed unsure. Kat picked up the child and performed the Heimlich maneuver. The grape popped out (along with other things) and the child could breathe again.

Currently, Kat is the hero of the kindergarten. She's also my hero.

Hooray for competence and hooray for Kat!

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