Poor Kat. Her health class, which is a state-mandated class, is doing a unit on self-esteem. None of the class exercises they are doing appear to have any possibility of building real self-esteem. Fortunately for her and the others, many of the exercises they are doing are just silly. Unfortunately for her and the others, some of them are not as harmless. If we�re all very lucky, most of the kids are not taking any of this stuff seriously.

I�m not sure that large group settings are conducive to teaching self-esteem. There is no shortcut one can impose from the front of the room that will ever be anywhere near as powerful as listening to children, answering their questions seriously, and reflecting back as much truth as you can recognize. There is no shortcut one can impose from the front of the room that will ever be as powerful as letting children struggle a bit and then see what they are capable of. I don�t ask the school system to build self-esteem. I do wish it wouldn�t undercut it so.

One of the class activities they did is a group exercise called IALAC. IALAC stands for �I am loveable and capable.� Depending on how the exercise is done, either the entire group or just one demonstrator in the group writes �IALAC� in capital letters on a piece of paper. Other members of the group list things that people can say that can tear down self-esteem. As they say these things, people tear small pieces off their IALAC paper. This tearing is supposed to show how one�s good feelings about one�s self get smaller and smaller as one goes through the day. The group then comes up with things that can build up self-esteem and, as they are said, the person tapes the small pieces of paper back onto the main piece.

The touchy-feely types think that this exercise contributes to self-esteem because it reminds us to be careful what we say to others and because it teaches us that self-esteem can be rebuilt. I�ll accept the first part as a good rule but I never got that second message from the exercise. The message I always got was that our view of ourselves is in the hands of others. We are but passive receptacles of esteem-destroying or esteem-building statements. Resistance is futile. Others can tear you down and you are helpless to stop them.

Other self-esteem exercises are equally flawed. Kat�s health teacher trotted out the old exercise in which students are asked to write a compliment for each student in the class. The last time a school tried to drag Kat into one of these she was in second grade and she refused to participate. What she said then applies equally today. �If I accept their compliments, Mom, then I accept that what they think matters. I then have to accept their criticisms too.� Just as she did then, Kat refused to participate.

As Kat long ago grasped, this exercise too is seriously flawed. Like the IALAC exercise, this exercise again suggests that one look outward for self-esteem. In its view, self-esteem is built on the good thoughts of others. A corollary to that suggestion would be that if other people don�t tell you their good thoughts, you are doomed to have poor self-esteem and there is nothing you can do about it.

While I�d put IALAC and other such in the trash, the school system continues to recycle it. I shouldn�t be surprised. I live in a state with mandatory recycling. I just wish they�d stick to papers, cans, and bottles and leave the bad ideas alone.

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