In every marriage, there are a few things one is tempted to keep from one�s spouse. I occasionally have the urge to sneak chocolate. It�s not that Mr. Philately would forbid me from having chocolate. I�m not even sure he�d care that I have chocolate. But I care. I don�t really like to think of me as the type who sneaks chocolate so I don�t want him thinking of me that way.

Today, Mr. Philately was tempted to keep something from me. He even joked about it with another woman. He took the sick birds (and it turns out that it is both of them) to the vet. He had them examined and he got medicine for them. He�s going to have to get hold of each bird twice a day and medicate them. That�s not the part he was tempted to keep from me though. The part he told the receptionist that he was tempted to keep from me was the cost. But he was honorable and when I asked, he answered. (I have no idea what would have happened if I hadn�t asked.)

I�ve never been a fan of total honesty. I�ve met people who blurt out truly barbaric words under the guise of being honest. There are a few things I prefer that my spouse keep to himself. I really don�t want to know if my most comfortable shorts make my rear end look fat. I really don�t necessarily want to know each time I do something small that irritates, particularly on very hot days when everything irritates despite the availability of air conditioning.

I do want to know that I will know the important things and I want an honest answer if I am stupid enough to ask about the little stuff. At a minimum, I want the most honest answer available at the time. I�m aware enough of human nature to know that we all fool ourselves sometimes into believing six impossible things before breakfast.

So, if I ask, tell me what small fortune I�m spending on the bird brains. Let me be honest enough to eat chocolate in the open. But please, please, keep me away from cruelty masquerading as total honesty�even in marriage.

LAST YEAR: The Joys of Older Children

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Copyright 2006 by Ellen