Some people are good listeners. They hear almost everything. I don�t. I have too much internal noise going on. It�s all I can do to quiet it when I know what�s going on outside really matters�and I just hope I know when what�s going on really matters. In the meantime, I�m practicing. Good enough will probably take a lifetime. Perfection is beyond hope.

Listening when it matters only a little seems easiest. Sometimes I practice listening when driving along. Being in a traffic jam provides such opportunities. When I�m in a traffic jam at least I know what really matters: the traffic report. When the best traffic reporting is on a radio station to which one is otherwise loathe to listen, selective listening becomes essential. The trick is to try to hear the traffic report and not hear anything else. It�s a trick I haven�t perfected yet but I�m working on.

Listening at work is harder. The structure of what I do tells me what matters with clients and what probably doesn�t. One of the hardest things about office politics (and I�m enough of a realist to know that all offices have politics) has been deciding what I need to listen to. Often, I�ve found it easier to watch. I�ve always grasped body language I could see more readily than I�ve grasped what I�ve heard. Yet even there context helps a lot.

Listening as a mother is harder still. As a mother, the key has been trying to recognize what�s important. Over the years, I�ve decided to try to hear the silences and ignore the noise. What happens when the noise occurs can be important but the silences are more significant. Watch out for what your children don�t tell you. That�s the stuff that will get you in the end. Noise may give you a headache but the silence can give you a heartache.

Listening as a wife seems hardest of all. Mr. Philately and I use the same words but we use them differently. The differences in gender and background assure that. Rural Iowa communication bears little resemblance to suburban Jewish communication. For one thing, they barely use their hands and they understate most things. For another, they have that quaint custom of having only one speaker at a time and they reply with statements. What kind of way is that to have a conversation?

Unfortunately, as a listener, I rate a C+ or, on a good day, a B-. Perhaps that�s why this journal is perfect. I only have to read the guestbook.

|