2002-11-12 - 10:25 p.m.
This entry is the one for 11/12/02. The one for 11/11/02 was posted this morning.
WATCHING OUT FOR MISSIONS
Sometimes, you have to be very, very careful around people with big hearts. Although the thought of watching out for harm from a caring person seems paradoxical, sometimes those people with big hearts develop missions. When that happens, they cannot see the details along the way and people get hurt.
Kat almost was hurt by someone who cares deeply and cares about her. The problem is that she cares for Kat in the abstract. She doesn�t know who Kat is. She only knows a fragment of Kat and she confuses it for the whole Kat. She knows Kat has epilepsy and she fights hard for people with epilepsy. Now it�s my job to remind her that there is a whole child there.
Kat was asked to put together a statement about herself for something being done in connection with a fundraiser. Although Kat hates writing about herself, she agreed to do it. The one-page statement she produced was witty, cute, and very Kat. It was about the whole Kat.
Tonight, the woman who is actually heading the project called. She wants a different type of statement. She wants a quote about epilepsy from Kat and seven or eight sentences about the history of Kat and epilepsy. Kat tried but, as she put it, she is not the type to give quotes of easy sentimentality or to be the poor, brave fighter. As for the rest of it, she is willing to be herself. She is not willing to be her epilepsy or to define herself by her epilepsy. And she is angry at the woman at the foundation who got her to commit to something and then played bait and switch.
Now is the time to teach her what obliging herself means. She agreed to a plan that was unilaterally changed. Being responsible doesn�t require her to go through with the new plan. Tomorrow I will call the woman in charge and we�ll pull out. Kat cannot follow the new plan without losing a piece of herself and she should not have to do that for the sake of obligation.
There are plenty of things that Kat would be willing to do but now they are unlikely to get her to do any of them. She is wary. She is afraid of the over-enthusiasm. The trust is gone and it�s a loss.
Oh, well, hers will be one face not at the fundraising dinner and it�s a shame. Yes, she has epilepsy but she is also an actress, a member of stage crew, an Honors student, and a terrific kid. It�s too bad that no one thinks the message that even people with that much going for them can struggle with epilepsy is important.
LAST YEAR: Recipe for Disaster
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Making Kool-aid
What Parents Think
Not Keeping Up With the Cohens
Fighting Over Money
Terribly Sad Just the Same
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
