2002-10-14 - 1:24 p.m.
NICE
Kat prefers dealing with men. She finds them emotionally less complicated. Personally, I think she is missing some of the complexity but I would agree with her on one thing. Assuming one is dealing with a person who is capable of control over emotions, I prefer dealing with men when the topic is anger. Most men don�t value nice as much.
In my uptight, suburban neighborhood, women are supposed to be nice. The definition of a nice woman is one who does not express anger, at least not directly. Ask an obviously angry woman around here what is bothering her and chances are that she will deny she is angry at all. Resolving anger and the issues underneath it directly is usually a doomed effort.
I do not have the emotional makeup of a �nice� woman. I am a passionate woman. When I am happy, I am very happy. When I am sad, I am sad. And when I am angry, I am angry. No denial, no games, just anger�clean, cold, and direct. Resolve the underlying issue and the anger tends to fade away almost as quickly as it comes. Let it fester and it builds, runs underground, and, if I�m not very careful, occasionally turns evil and ugly. So, around here, I�m often the bad woman, the evil woman. I�m the woman who insists on making the anger open.
Last week, the day before surgery, I called Day-Hay�s school to arrange to have someone let her know when I was out of surgery. Any number of people could have handled the task but the guidance counselor is usually responsible for emotional health at the school so I called her. I explained Day-Hay is my worrier and the guidance counselor said she was aware of that fact. She assured me that if Mr. Philately called and left a message for her when the surgery was over, she would make sure that Day-Hay was notified. She did not indicate that she anticipated any problems with it and I made it clear that getting a note to Day-Hay was enough. A visit was not necessary.
After surgery, Mr. Philately called. The guidance counselor was not available so he left a message. The message came in at 12:30 p.m. and school ends at 3:45 p.m. but Day-Hay received no note, no visit, and no notification. She received the message but she never notified Day-Hay. She left the poor kid hanging.
Later that evening, the guidance counselor called and left a voicemail message. She apologized for not getting to Day-Hay. She said that she got Mr. Philately�s message and left her office to go to the gym to tell Day-Hay. (If she was heading to the gym, it was early afternoon, sometime before 1:00 p.m.) She then was waylaid three times and then dealt with a parent in crisis. She was so sorry and hoped that Day-Hay did not worry too much. She never called back to talk to Mr. Philately. She never stopped Day-Hay in the hallway to talk to her. She never talked to me (although I admit that would have been difficult.)
It was a hit-and-run apology. She now had �taken care of it.� She could say she had apologized. She could feel she had done the right thing. The only problem was that it was a risk-free apology. She was never in danger of hearing Day-Hay�s feeling of betrayal or my anger at her inability to sort out priorities even to the extent of getting someone else to get the message to Day-Hay. It was a coward�s apology.
It was Friday before I was able to hear that message for myself and, as she is not at the school on Fridays, today before I was able to call and try to talk to her. I got the answering machine. I left a message that I needed to discuss what had happened last week and that I would be home all day.
What a surprise! I�ve heard nothing. I�ll give her the rest of the day but it would not surprise me to continue to hear nothing. But a guidance counselor ought to be able to deal with anger. I don�t think much of one who can�t. If she calls me back, I�ll express my dismay and it will end here and now. If she doesn�t, I�ll have to decide whether to call the principal to ask her to get the guidance counselor to call me back. I�ll have to decide whether to escalate.
I�m not nice but the guidance counselor is. And that�s the problem.
LAST YEAR: Homecoming and The Homecoming Pictures
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Fog
The Waterworks Factory
Receiving
Welcome to Waterloo (by Kat)
Dancing Queen
previous - next
|
Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
