I�m supposed to feel at war. I�m supposed to feel different. I suspect I�m supposed to feel afraid or deeply patriotic or exhilarated. But I feel�nothing, other than some concern for our soldiers and Afghan�s civilians. Times may have changed some but the people around me have not really changed nor has what is important. If I ever really believed in safety, I lost that belief somewhere back when I was Day-Hay�s age when I saw the tanks at the Detroit Armory in the summer of 1967. It got pushed farther away when I discovered I had multiple sclerosis and I realized that living �correctly� guaranteed absolutely---nothing.

As for this war, I�ve seen the flashing pictures, the ruins of ruins, the reporters on aircraft carriers, and all the hoopla and I say, �That�s interesting.� But I still feel nothing. I listen to the talk of anthrax, of protection for the Packers football game, and of discussions of gas masks and I say, �Most of that is no more than a ghost story told around a campfire.� I watch people shiver and shake�and I feel nothing.

At first I thought that I was simply in denial. I don�t think so anymore. I think I�m trying to maintain my ability to think before doing because I do not trust that anyone else will think. I take one step back and remember that the cars of mothers rushing home and turning on red without taking the time to check if children are crossing pose a far greater personal threat than exotic germs. Let others look for just the right gas mask. I�ll look and see we can find someone who is willing to take the crossing guard job (although it might be easier to find the gas mask.)

It�s not exactly that I believe that I can steer clear of it either. I know it will find its way to my doorstep although the doorstep it will sit on probably will be the one to my office. Because I work in an office building, it isn�t much of a doorstep but it�ll do. Society�s despised usually end up on what passes for my office doorstep or the doorstep of an office of someone like me. I�ll probably find myself at some point arguing that however safe blind persecution or prosecution may make some of us feel, it is wrong and, in the long run, it is stupid and will devour us. I�ve ticked off my community before. It�s been a while but I�ve even made headlines before doing the things that some people did not want done.

In the meantime, I�m in suspended animation�waiting, watching, thinking. I don�t trust easy answers and I don�t trust easy emotions. Truth be told, there is a lot I believe in but little that I trust. I�d like to be one who trusts the government but I trust things made of men and women only to a point. I find I trust them least when everyone is trusting them the most

It�s not that I believe that our government is out to do evil. I don�t believe that at all. I believe that, for the most part, the people in our government are doing the best they know how to do under the circumstances. Unfortunately, however, good motives and doing good are not the same thing. I believe in the Law of Unintended Consequences and I don�t trust what�s going on.

It�s a good thing that I�m fairly sure what needs to be done right now. When you feel nothing, it�s best to do nothing.

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