2003-01-01 - 7:30 p.m.
Happy New Year! I actually saw the new year in last night for the first time in years. The change of year was just as non-eventful as I remembered it.
NOT ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL
Folding laundry is boring. Other tasks may be more distasteful or difficult but folding laundry is boring. Reading while trying to fold laundry is difficult. I know. I�ve tried. Not much folding gets done when I�m reading�not much as in �none,� not just as in �a little.� So folding gets me to turn on the television. When in routine, I often fold to the national news. Other times, I fold to whatever is on. Sometimes I�ve sunk lower (such as today when I folded to some football game where I couldn�t even identify the teams) but yesterday I folded laundry to Oprah. Her topic was working women coping with the stress of home and work.
I work a two-thirds schedule at my office and have for years. Before Day-Hay started school, I worked a half-time schedule. Whatever the amount of outside the house work I have done, I have been aware of straddling a fault line. I don�t really fit into the camp (and given the militency camp is the correct word) of the work-solely-at-home mom. I also don�t really fit into the camp (and given the militency camp is also the correct word) of the work-a-fulltime-job-outside-the-house mom. It always has seemed to me that which option, mine or either of theirs, a mother takes, there are drawbacks and benefits. Which drawbacks and benefits are best for each family seems a question only that family can decide.
What caught my eye was not the discussions of juggling. What caught my eye was a mother who worked a fulltime job outside the house who told her grown children she wished she had not. No where on the program was there a mother who worked a fulltime job outside the house who told her grown children she was glad she had. Nor were there any children, grown or otherwise, who said they were glad their mothers worked outside the home. I began to worry that perhaps those who claim that all children wish they had mothers who work solely at home were correct. (I also suspected it likely that these people simply were not on the program but had no way to verify that possibility.)
I went to my children and asked them whether they wished I gave up working outside the house. I was glad that I did. Their answers were interesting and made sense. Kat did not want me to do that because I am so intense. She reasoned that without an outside job, all of that intensity would be turned on her and Day-Hay�and the past few days have showed her how many projects I can insist on when I lack the outside focus. She did not think that being hit with a laser beam of intensity constantly would be good for either her or her sister.
Day-Hay did not want me to quit because my outside job gave her so much of her father. She talked about enjoying starting the day with Dad getting her off to school�feeding her, helping her with her hair sometimes, helping her organize herself�and ending the day with me. She liked sometimes being taken care of by her father when sick (and considering how much more patience he has with sick children I�m not really surprised.) She liked having her father very involved in the little happenings in her day-to-day life.
I did not ask Mr. Philately what he thought. I know what he thinks. He thinks our situation works well for us. He should think that. My working outside the house is what allowed him to strike out on his own. My outside job supplies the health insurance. It also provided a safety net when he was not sure whether his own law firm would succeed. My working outside the house gave him the opportunity to follow his dream.
I�m not suggesting that woman can always have it all or that every woman should work outside the house. I�m not suggesting that a somewhat split focus does not require some balancing and the stress of constant decisionmaking. But I did reaffirm what I should not have doubted: families are not one-size-fits-all. If it�s working (both inside and outside) who cares what others think?
LAST YEAR: New Year
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Forget the Suitcase
Routine
Cry for Me, Argentina
Hot Water
Chapter Summaries
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
