Today I had to dress like a lawyer because I started out the day to do a jury trial (which was adjourned for very complicated reasons that no one except the lawyers and the parties care about .) When you do appellate work as I do, you are rarely in court (and you even more rarely do trials. How I came to do a trial is also a long and not very interesting story.) When not in court, I believe in dressing nicely (unlike some in my office) but I rarely feel the need to wear a suit. While I occasionally wear a dress, I often get away with nice slacks or a pantsuit. If I�m wearing pants, I�m not wearing pantyhose. Not wearing pantyhose is good.

I�ve often wondered why pantyhose never seem to want to stay put. Some pantyhose feels as though it is racing for the ankles. Other pantyhose feels as though it is racing for the top of the head. Cheap pantyhose feel cheap for the ten minutes before they run. (Is pantyhose singular or plural? Who cares?) Expensive pantyhose feel cheap for the ten minutes before they run.

I wonder if my washer hose feels the same way about its pantyhose. It uses its pantyhose to filter lint. Its pantyhose not only race for the end of the hose but they get lint build-up. The other day, I spent time in the ladies� room trying to retrieve lint from the inside of my pantyhose. There�s nothing worse than lint build-up in one�s pantyhose so perhaps the washer hose doesn�t feel very comfortable in its pantyhose.

When my girl scout troop goes camping, I usually put the soap in a leg of old pantyhose and tie it to either a rope or a faucet. It saves the soap from wandering around or falling in the dirt. But I wonder how the soap feels about the pantyhose. Does the soap complain, as I do, that sweat build-up in the pantyhose exacerbates eczema? What is the soap equivalent of eczema anyway?

Still, if pantyhose didn�t exist, I�d have to go back to garter belts or, worse, I�d have to try wearing a girdle. I watched my mother wiggle into one of those and I swore I�d never wear one. To date, I haven�t but if pantyhose disappeared.......shudder.

Perhaps I�m just not looking at this correctly. Pantyhose, it could be worse.

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