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2001-11-27 - 6:13 a.m.

GIVING QUARTER
(AKA THE ENTRY THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE WISHES I HADN�T WRITTEN)

Living with a collector, you learn important things. This week�s important item in the collector category is that the Wisconsin quarter is about to be designed. For some states, quarter design appears to have come easily. Wisconsin is not one of them. Someone has declared that Wisconsin�s new motto should be �Beyond Dairy.� In other words, no cows. But if Wisconsin�s new quarter cannot have a Holstein or a Brown Swiss, what on earth should it have?

Badgers definitely are out. First, there are no badgers in Wisconsin�and your typical Wisconsinite is not out to harass anyone either. Really. The state nickname is the badger state because of the lead miners who first came here. They made their homes by burrowing into the hills of southwestern Wisconsin just like badgers. Second, the last time Wisconsin had a quarter in the 1930s, the quarter had a badger on it. That quarter was one ugly quarter.

Beer often comes to mind when thinking about Wisconsin. What about a large beer stein on the quarter? Shouldn�t Wisconsin have the first quarter likely to be boycotted by Mothers Against Drunk Driving? I can see them now, sorting through their change, trying to decide if it�s okay to carry coins that bear the imprint of alcohol. What are the ethics of donating beer-imprinted quarters? Is it okay if you tie red ribbons �round each one?

There�s always the ubiquitous cheesehead but that requires green and gold. A silver cheesehead is just not the same, even if some Packers� fan somewhere would be willing to stick such a quarter in his belly button for John Madden to circle. We celebrate the Packers enough around here without doing it on our money too. Besides, I believe in the separation of church and state. A quarter with a cheesehead on it would be much too close to an icon, at least in a Wisconsinite�s mind.

How about a brat? No, not one of those nasty, whining children. A bratwurst, Wisconsin�s dinner of choice (at least if you�re a native, which I�m not, or a omnivore, which Day-Hay is not.) But how do you put one of those in relief on a quarter without it looking like, well, something else that maybe doesn�t belong on a quarter? If you put a bun on it, it just looks like a hot dog and, no, Wisconsin is not the wiener capital of the world.

If you�re going for history, I guess we could use a likeness of Frank Lloyd Wright. After all, he was born here and Talesin is here. Some would complain because he left us for Arizona but many a Wisconsinite with even a little money has looked for some place warmer in the winter.

I propose that we use a bowling ball on the quarter. What is more Wisconsin than bowling a strike or (God forbid) a spare? The aesthetics would be perfect. The round, raised edge of the quarter would frame the round, raised edge of the ball. The three perfectly placed finger holes would complement the round theme. After all, aren�t Wisconsinites all around nice people or, if nothing else, generally round? Besides, if the finger holes are badly rendered, we can just call the whole thing Swiss cheese and no one will notice the difference.

But my opinion doesn�t count for much in these things. The same folks who believe we should be beyond dairy are the folks that brought us little, tiny pennants flapping in the wind at the top of all of our tall buildings so we could be the City of Flags. Doesn�t everyone know Milwaukee as the City of Flags? They are also the same guys and gals who took us from the slogan �A Great Place on a Great Lake� to the wimpy �Genuine American� and from �Escape to Wisconsin� to the sappy, non-descript �You�re Among Friends.� (Although perhaps this last change really was an attempt to make a point to some of Illinois� Joliet graduates.)

And so, I suspect, we will end up with something such as the Calatrava-designed art museum building. For those who haven�t seen it, the building is a gloriously designed place by Lake Michigan with a brise soleil that opens like great wings of a snowy white owl. The place is worthy of note. I�m just not sure that it isn�t us in our prom dress. I�d prefer to see our quarter more �come as you are.�

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