UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

NEW SPECIMENS OLD SPECIMENS THE SCIENTIST MY LOG CONTACT ME
2002-04-09 - 6:16 p.m.

RANDOMLY

My father once labeled a notebook �Random Thoughts of a Random Mind.� It was a poetic use of the word �random� rather than a precise mathematical one but I accept poetic usage of words. To some extent, I can tolerate misuse of words based upon ignorance or quirk. After all, it was my daughter Kat who returned from kindergarten one day and accusingly told me, �You didn�t tell me halves have to be equal.� What troubles me is when I am not sure whether the misuse is intentional. So it currently is with the word �random.�

On our way to and from Phoenix, we took a total of four planes. Only on the last leg of the trip home did we make it into a plane without a search. Each time, we were told that the searches were random. One of them definitely was not random and I am not very confident that the others were either. If the other two searches were random, then we encountered a rare statistical anomaly. No, I suspect the word �random� was used because it was politically correct. �Random� searches are politically correct. Targeted searches come too close to racial profiling and other bad things.

The first search, the one on the first leg of the trip on the way down, was computer generated. The computer designated everyone in the family except me for a wand, shoe, and carry-on bag search. We were assured the search was randomly generated by the computer. It was mere coincidence that the only person in our party not designated for search was the person whose credit card secured the tickets. �Okay,� I thought. �That�s possible.� And we went on.

The second search definitely was not random and involved only me. It also was not computer-generated. All the tickets were marked �CLR� for �cleared.� Instead of using computer-generated randomness, they tried a different system. The security guy by the door did not count off as the more professional people had in London immediately after September 11th. A count off search is random. No, he did an easy-pickings search and called it random. No one who was on the far side from him was searched (and I should know as I was the last person on the plane.) No one with a large bag was searched (and I�d say that maybe they had a tip that all terrorists carry easy to search bags except that this security guy also insisted his searches were random.)

The third search bore an amazing resemblance to the first search. Again, it was computer-generated. Again, the computer passed me as �CLR� but not Kat, Day-Hay, and Mr. Philately (although they decided to ignore the computer and search my bags�but not wand me like the rest of my family--which alone made the search no longer random.) Again we were assured that it was random. While it is possible that one could get exactly the same results randomly coming and going, it is not very likely. (I�d calculate odds statistically but it would take too long.)

For all of that, the flying world was no safer than it would have been without us being searched. No, it�s not because I know we are not terrorists. Truly random searches would search a lot of people who are not terrorists. No, it�s because of what I found when I arrived home.

You see, I inadvertently carried contraband onto the plane and they missed it. When I got home and changed purses, I discovered my nail file and clipper. I�m not sure how it got into the bag they searched but I know they did not find it. It must have gotten into there randomly.

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