In the early years, after the rush of early courtship and before we decided to wed, Mr. Philately and I had a rocky time of it. We would spend a lot of time together, things would seem to be going well, and he would begin to pull away. I would cling. We would fight or he would disappear for a bit. We would make up and the cycle would start again. Most of the issue was over whether we were serious. I clearly was.

After several years, I decided that we were going nowhere. I told Mr. Philately that it was over---and I meant it. He knew I meant it. And he got serious. He decided that he did not want me to leave. He didn�t propose, not then and not for quite a while later. (We got engaged a little bit later on a misunderstanding and he went through with it but that�s a story for another time.) All that spring, we worked out the few remaining issues.

One of those issues was his fear that my clinging would suffocate him. I patiently explained that, given our natures, once I felt secure, he would have little clinging to worry about. I told him that he would find over the years that he would be the one who wanted more closeness and I would be the restless one. I doubt he believed a word of it then. He believes it now.

My restlessness is becoming overwhelming. I do not want out of my marriage, not for more than a second every few months or so. I just want the rush that comes of venturing out, of taking on a new project, of working on new problems rather than the same old ones day after day. I think I stopped writing for a long time because I found it hard to focus on little things when the walls of the castle kept moving in.

At heart, I seem to be a problem solver. I can work on long-term problems but I lose interest in chronic problems. I�m not a quitter. I stay. But, at some point, my mind and soul begin to leave and look for problems that seem solvable. Sometimes they leap without looking very carefully. The last time I felt this restless, I ran for the school board.

I considered looking for another job or transferring to another office. I decided that changing jobs would be good for me but would not be good for this family. I will not find another job that pays anywhere near this well and lets me be home after school to supervise teenagers. I will have to wait at least until Day-Hay is through high school.

So what comes next? For the short term, I am working on a project with the bar association and the Milwaukee School District. But that is a short-term project and will not hold me very long.

So stay tuned because some adventure is coming. And with any luck, I�ll take you with me.

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