I don't know if life has really been particularly tough the past few weeks or if it just seems tough. If I ever needed reminding, I don't anymore. Depression can be contagious, perhaps even more so than pink eye. Kat has been depressed and it is wearing on everyone. Yesterday was melt down day though and I feel a bit better for it (although I really need to get the nervous eating under control today to be sure I'm popping back.)

This week's events have me following those exploding German toads with great interest. Apparently, toads in some ponds in Germany and Denmark have been bloating up and just bursting. Scientists are trying to figure out what is going on. One theory is that crows are pecking into the toad to eat its liver and the toad then puffs up as part of a natural defense mechanism. The missing liver and the resulting hole then cause the blood vessels and lungs to burst and organs to ooze out.

After Friday, I feel an affinity for those toads. I think work and home are slowly eating out my heart---or at least some part of my innards.

The court has eaten out a part of my heart but certainly left me with my liver because I have plenty of bile left. A court order this week seemed willing to sacrifice me for the convenience of the court. The court blamed me for a mistake but no one I have shown the order to can figure out what I did wrong. It involves a case in 1997 in which the client requested that I close the case without taking any action. There were no issues of legal merit in the case and he did not want me to file what is called a no-merit report. He asked me to close the case instead and I did. Being the detail oriented person I am I explained exactly what would happen if he closed the case and exactly what would happen if I filed a no-merit report. He then returned last year asking for a new lawyer. The court did not find that I was wrong about the merits. The court did not find that did not tell him about his options. Instead, the court decided that I did not tell him enough about the no-merit report. My whole office is in shock because I have been known as an over-explainer. I've always given more explanation, in writing and in person, about such things than anyone else in the office. The upshot is that the court will not have to deal with a crank representing himself and the office will have to appoint a lawyer, probably me, to write the guy a no-merit report. The guy, of course, will continue to be very cranky because he was hoping to get a whole new appeal from the process and not just a no-merit report.

As for home, well, a depressed teenager tends to have the notion that nothing is sufficiently about her. In fact, too much is about her. I feel as though I am throwing energy, caring and love down a big, black hole. Things go in but nothing comes out. The worst is her tendency to dump on me when I come in the door. I suppose I should be flattered that she trusts me to be the one to listen but sometimes, particularly after a long day, I feel as though she too is nibbling on my heart.

And then I think of the toads. If enough things eat at my heart, will I puff up and explode?

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