UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

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2003-01-22 - 7:54 p.m.

TORPOR

Some animals, such as ground squirrels, truly hibernate. When days get short, the air gets cold, and food sources become limited, they become inactive, their body temperature drops, and their heart rate slows. Other animals, such as black bears, sleep more lightly and their body temperature does not drop. While some scientists would say that these animals do not truly hibernate, others would say that they go into torpor. I understand about torpor. In fact, I think I have the gene for it.

While I�ve always hated the dark of winter, dark alone does not bring on torpor. Nor does a shortage of food. If anything, December and January bring an abundance of food for humans with sufficient funds. But this cold snap brings it on. After a while, I become a heat-seeking device. Once I find the heat, I just want to curl up, pull the covers over my head, and nod off. That�s exactly how I found myself rising from bed at 5:45 the other morning still in my robe and slippers.

Animals in torpor can be roused but it�s not easy. I�m no different. You can wake me. You might even be able to keep me awake for a while, especially if you feed me, but I�ll eventually crawl back into the cave of my room, under the covers, down in my warm nest, and I�ll be out again. When it gets this cold, it sometimes feels as though I�m either sleeping or thinking about sleeping. It�s not depression. I�m not depressed at all. It�s just some torpor gene expressing itself.

Is torpor good for me? The question is debatable. I�m not sure why no one is debating it. Heck, if whether hibernation is good for hedgehogs is a controversial (but not a hot) topic, the question whether hibernation is good for humans should be too. Aren�t we important enough for equal treatment? Where is the website on whether humans should hibernate?

Unfortunately, torpor is not very good for my family. It frustrates Day-Hay. It makes Kat sigh. Mr. Philately seems to have adapted so well that he doesn�t even comment on it. As long as he gets what he needs�or even if he doesn�t�he seems to view the problem as one that will pass as the weather warms up�if the weather warms up.

I hear that scientists are studying hibernation in ground squirrels in hopes that understanding the mechanism will bring cures for disease. While cures for diseases would be nice, I�m hoping that they learn how to keep a squirrel up. Because while some people could use a cure for diseases, I could use a cure for torpor that comes before the spring.

Yes, this household has to contend with a prolonged state of dormancy. But I bet they wish for hibernation. Hibernation is a controlled prolonged state of dormancy. But they are stuck with torpor. I�m uncontrollable.

LAST YEAR: Becoming a Real Politician

LAST FIVE ENTRIES:

Twist and Twist Again
I Should Have Known
Making a List
Mellowing
Dreaming in Trains

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