Whenever we made the mistake of telling my mother that something she had done was unfair, she would tell us, �Life�s unfair.� Today, waiting for the telephone call that tells me that my grandniece is out of surgery, I�ve been contemplating fairness. Does fairness have any application to such things at all?

�It isn�t fair!� Every mother, every girl scout leader, every teacher, every human being hears it. �It isn�t fair!� Go around and ask kids, �What is fair?� The really honest ones will tell you that fairness is treating them well because they try hard. Some will tell you that it�s fair to treat everyone the same. A few older, more sophisticated ones will tell you that fairness is treating people the same in similar circumstances. Take these older kids and ask them how one tells that circumstances are similar and the fun begins. Why should they be able to answer the question? Adults can�t.

But much of the time we are not talking about comparative fairness. Sometimes we are talking about the notion of what we think ourselves or others deserve. �It isn�t fair that the teacher gives us so much busywork� contains no notion of comparative fairness. After all, everyone has the same ridiculous homework. Point this one out to a kid and see what happens. Why isn�t it fair? Because it just isn�t. Because it�s stupid. Just because it doesn�t feel right.

And yet, whether we can define it or not, we�re all sure we know this type of fairness when we see it. Sometimes, though, I have a sneaking suspicion that fairness is when good things happen to us and unfairness is when they happens to someone else. Fairness is having good luck. Hard as we try to be otherwise, most of us are petty children at heart from time to time and we judge fairness by what life has done for us lately (although for some of us lately is even more recently than for others.)

So, if you think life�s unfair, don�t say Mother didn�t warn you. And for goodness sake don�t whine about it or you�ll hear Mother�s five-letter word: tough. That word sums up more than Mom�s philosophy although I�m not sure whether she thinks of it that way. It�s solid advice. Without some toughness, life will run right over you�fair or not.

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Good news! The baby underwent surgery today to repair a large tear in the dura, the membrane over the brain. The surgery went as well as could be expected and the neurosurgeon currently is seeing no sign of brain damage (although he cannot be sure that there is none.)

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