UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

NEW SPECIMENS OLD SPECIMENS THE SCIENTIST MY LOG CONTACT ME
2002-11-24 - 8:42 p.m.

The assignment for On Display this month is to write about veterans, not necessarily of conventional wars.

VETERAN OF THE CALCULUS WARS

Quick! Who was your most memorable teacher? Our cultural myth suggests that the teacher you name will be a good teacher who shaped your life. The teacher will be strict but understanding and, most likely, self-effacing. My most memorable teacher doesn�t fit that mode. I lost as much as I learned and what I learned was not what was intended to be taught. Most of what I learned then was that I could survive. In retrospect, I also learned, with his inadvertent help, not to doubt my own perceptions simply because of someone in authority.

My most memorable teacher was a small, somewhat ignorant man who taught advanced math. Specifically, he taught AP Calculus BC. More accurately, he was the teacher of record for AP Calculus. Later, I would learn that he had not yet completed enough math himself to teach the class but I didn�t know it then. He was not small of body but of mind. Most of the kids in the class were out of reach. They had much more talent in math than I did. They could take the book and teach themselves. I could learn the math but I needed a teacher.

Fear probably explained why the teacher did not ever tell me that he couldn�t teach. A need to save face might explain it too. Whatever the reason, his first approach was to suggest that I was stupid for not getting it. When, unlike some students, I was willing to be told I was stupid if he�d just help me, he changed tactics. He started refusing me help for various reasons none of which made sense and none of which I remember.

Eventually, I got tired. I went to the math office and tried to get help from other teachers. One math teacher was very kind and explained that he did not know that math but we could try to figure it out together. He wasn�t much help but working with him convinced me I needed help. So, I screwed up my courage and went to the head of the math department.

The teacher then recognized that simply denying me help wasn�t going to cut it. How could he deny me help and still appear in the right? His new plan was truly devious. He started giving me As. No matter how many questions I missed, no matter how many problems I blew, he gave me As. I became more and more frustrated and more and more lost as he simultaneously mocked me and gave me As. After all, how could anyone accuse him of not helping his student who was getting an A? Clearly, I was just another nervous honors student. He and I both knew that I would fail the AP exam at the end of the year but it would be too late for anyone in the school to care then. Deep down, I suspected that I could do it and, because I didn�t do it, I had to prove to myself that I could. When I got to college, I insisted on taking calculus even though everyone told me that with my chosen major I�d never need it. Guess what? If you teach it to me, I can learn it.

Living in a world of untruth is an interesting experience. Sadly, surviving it is a blueprint for surviving too many bureaucracies. When, as I do, you work for state government, being a veteran is an advantage.

I�m a veteran of the calculus war, I emerged with only a few scratches, and I�m much wiser now. And, if I can remember any of it, I can do calculus�which might come in handy when Kat gets there.

LAST YEAR: The Age Of

LAST FIVE ENTRIES:

Tossed Out
Not Strictly Kosher
Short
Culturally Deprived
A Very Strange Feeling (by Kat)
Gloried

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