2002-10-28 - 9:13 p.m.
THE VIEW FROM THE BOTTOM
I�m an oldest child. Growing up, I could tell you all of the disadvantages and all of the advantages of being an oldest child. I would have spoken of the anxiety of parents feeling their way through experiences and the privileges of being the only girl in the family with her own room. I would have explained that odd feeling of not quite belonging the first time you return from college to discover that family life proceeds without you and that you don�t get all of the jokes anymore.
One of the more interesting aspects of being a parent of more than one child has been that it has pushed me into thinking about life as experienced from the bottom, not the top, of the pack. Today Day-Hay began her tutoring sessions for her Bat Mitzvah and I realized that I was not repeating my experience with Kat. This experience is a whole new experience.
Some of it is easier. I know what hotel to use for out-of-town guests. I know where to get invitations and what to expect on cost. I know what needs to be done when on the party side of things�and on the religious side. I don�t that anxious sense of embarking on an adventure that might just prove too complicated.
Still, sitting with Day-Hay and the tutor, I realized that Day-Hay gets some benefits and loses some things from my experience. She gains in my lessened anxiety. I know that she can do what needs to be done and I know how to help her with it. I didn�t sit at that first session asking a lot of questions because I already know the answers. But she also loses, I suspect. I�m very excited for her to begin the studying that goes with becoming a Jewish adult yet there is an edge to my excitement that is missing. Maybe complete excitement requires a little more anxiety than I can manage this second time around.
I also realized that Kat had no one in the family to compare herself to. She is the oldest grandchild on my side and Mr. Philately�s side contains no Jewish cousins. She had nothing to live up to. There was no standard. Day-Hay doesn�t feel the same way. She believes that she must live up to Kat and the bar has been set high. Kat is a natural performer and the more reserved Day-Hay is more anxious than Kat was despite my reduced anxiety.
Maybe there are some disadvantages to being the youngest (although I would hate to admit it to my baby-of-the-family mother.) Maybe the view from the bottom is not as rosy as I�d always supposed.
It's interesting when looking up.
LAST YEAR: Serendipity
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
A Cosmic Joke
I Can Only Take One Baby...
Old Friends in New Ways
Having Life
Being Counted
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
