2002-10-28 - 9:13 p.m.
THE VIEW FROM THE BOTTOM
I’m an oldest child. Growing up, I could tell you all of the disadvantages and all of the advantages of being an oldest child. I would have spoken of the anxiety of parents feeling their way through experiences and the privileges of being the only girl in the family with her own room. I would have explained that odd feeling of not quite belonging the first time you return from college to discover that family life proceeds without you and that you don’t get all of the jokes anymore.
One of the more interesting aspects of being a parent of more than one child has been that it has pushed me into thinking about life as experienced from the bottom, not the top, of the pack. Today Day-Hay began her tutoring sessions for her Bat Mitzvah and I realized that I was not repeating my experience with Kat. This experience is a whole new experience.
Some of it is easier. I know what hotel to use for out-of-town guests. I know where to get invitations and what to expect on cost. I know what needs to be done when on the party side of things—and on the religious side. I don’t that anxious sense of embarking on an adventure that might just prove too complicated.
Still, sitting with Day-Hay and the tutor, I realized that Day-Hay gets some benefits and loses some things from my experience. She gains in my lessened anxiety. I know that she can do what needs to be done and I know how to help her with it. I didn’t sit at that first session asking a lot of questions because I already know the answers. But she also loses, I suspect. I’m very excited for her to begin the studying that goes with becoming a Jewish adult yet there is an edge to my excitement that is missing. Maybe complete excitement requires a little more anxiety than I can manage this second time around.
I also realized that Kat had no one in the family to compare herself to. She is the oldest grandchild on my side and Mr. Philately’s side contains no Jewish cousins. She had nothing to live up to. There was no standard. Day-Hay doesn’t feel the same way. She believes that she must live up to Kat and the bar has been set high. Kat is a natural performer and the more reserved Day-Hay is more anxious than Kat was despite my reduced anxiety.
Maybe there are some disadvantages to being the youngest (although I would hate to admit it to my baby-of-the-family mother.) Maybe the view from the bottom is not as rosy as I’d always supposed.
It's interesting when looking up.
LAST YEAR: Serendipity
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
A Cosmic Joke
I Can Only Take One Baby...
Old Friends in New Ways
Having Life
Being Counted
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
