I overheard it on the elevator. A young woman was telling another woman, slightly older, that she would not get married until she was sure that she had a relationship as good as the one her grandparents had. I wouldn�t have considered that odd or worthy of note if I hadn�t heard what she said next. �They never disagreed and they never let each other down,� she continued. The other woman just said, �Sure sounds perfect.� I wanted to say something else. �Oh, honey,� I wanted to say. �I�m sure it looked that way to you and you could be very right that it was an excellent marriage but no couple never disagrees and never let�s each other down.� But it wasn�t my conversation so I said nothing.

I have a solid marriage and Mr. Philately is my best friend. We have a lot of fun together. We have complimentary strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes we think almost as one person. But we disagree, sometimes deeply, and we�ve let each other down. Never letting each other down requires mind-reading. Although we sometimes come close to mind-reading, we can�t always do it. Some days, I figure we�re both happier if he can�t read my thoughts. There are a few things I�ve learned to live with�as long as I can grumble to myself. We�re both better off if he can�t hear those grumbles. I�m probably happier not reading his thoughts. Somewhere, deep down, I know what he�s thinking about my mercurial side but it�s best not to hear him voicing it.

If we never disagreed, our life together would be...dull. Perhaps some people believe in a heaven in which everything is predictable and nice all the time but I�d get restless. I�d wonder if I was heard or even mattered. I�d begin to feel invisible as well as bored. If Mr. Philately never disagreed, how could I test my ideas before taking them out for a spin. I would miss valuable chances to try out and refine ideas. I would miss out on the possibilities of other ways of doing important tasks. I�d miss the chance to learn that sometimes it is where you get that matters and not how you get there. I�d miss the chance to learn that other times it is how you get there that matter and not where you get too.

At first, I felt sorry for this young woman (if she were serious and I believe she was) because she was setting herself up for failure. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that I felt sorry for her because she just might get what she thought she wanted If she�s not careful, she might just get what she asked for but she�ll discover she either loses respect for herself or for him.

Luckily, though, there�s not much chance of that.

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