2002-11-02 - 8:44 p.m.
JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS
�Tis the season for catalogs: catalogs from places I�m willing to shop, from places I never shop, and from places I�d never even consider shopping. Some catalogs threaten never to come again if I don�t order from them but they show up the next year nevertheless. My recycling bin overflowth. And still they come.
This year, FAO Schwarz sent a catalog. I�ve never bought anything from that overpriced toy store. I�d say I�d never even been in that toy store but that would be hyperbole (which is a fancy way of saying it would be a lie.) Once, when I lived in New York City, I walked into the store just to say I had been there�although I can�t remember why that mattered. FAO Schwarz, that land of fantasy that could come true if only you had enough money. FAO Schwarz, the land of pricey giant plush stuffed animals and educational building blocks. FAO Schwarz, the land of....well, according to the catalog, the land of Slut Barbie.
I am the mother of two daughters. I am not unfamiliar with Barbie. I am not unfamiliar with her impossible curves. I know of she of a big chest, ridiculously small waist, and ever-so-curvateous hips. I know of her propensity to wear stiletto heels that will cripple any adult whose foot accidentally encounters them hooked in the threads of the carpet. I know of her love of tight-fighting outfits that no child can get on her, her failure to wear underwear, and her attraction to skirts that are too short and tops that reveal too much. But the Barbie I knew was ordinary, cheap, trashy Barbie.
The Barbie I knew was never an expensive figure�at least not on a per piece basis. American Girl Dolls sell for exorbitant amounts as do all of their accessories. �Educational� toys can get away with high prices. Barbie had no such illusions about her place in the toy hierarchy, at least until now. Just buying the doll was cheap and each outfit was reasonable. It was the whole ensemble that added up to big bucks.
But she�s found Daddy FAO Schwarz and all that has changed. She�s high-priced but she�s for sale and like any good call girl, she�s strutting her stuff. If her Daddy wants to dress her up to tango, in fishnet tights and feathers up to, well, never mind, and then charge $150 (and don�t worry that Ken is included because we all know about his lack of equipment) I suppose that may be a natural progression. I see they have a �That Girl� Barbie, so wouldn�t an Evita Barbie be a natural?
But Daddy you�ve gone too far. I know I�ve been heard to complain about Barbie�s lack of underwear but after seeing what you�ve done, I take it back. Maybe Barbie was better off without underwear. You can�t dress a girl up like she belongs on a street corner and expect call girl prices. You can�t make a �Lingerie� Barbie in her peignor, garter belt, and sheer robe, your choice of blonde or brunette, and charge $45 for her no matter how well-coifed she is. Perhaps she has a little plastic heart of fool�s gold but she�s still an expensive slut.
After all, who buys these things? I wouldn�t dream of buying a Lingerie Barbie for my children even if they were still of Barbie age. Mr. Philately doesn�t go for plastic women. I did suggest that Kat might want to purchase one for the new boyfriend for the holidays but she just sighed at my insanity and asked me to leave her room so she could do her homework.
Just what the world needs, Slut Barbie, and she can be yours from FAO Schwarz for the paltry sum of $45. Still, some young boy somewhere is thanking FAO Schwarz and giving up the National Geographic stuffed under his mattress---for an FAO Schwarz catalog. Thank you, FAO Schwarz.
LAST YEAR: Over-Involvement, Here I Come
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
The Little Glimpses
It�s All in How You Look at It
Thank You, Mary
The View From the BottomA Cosmic Joke
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
