2003-07-21 - 6:08 p.m.
WHO WANTS TO MARRY MY HUSBAND?
Yesterday, I was ready to propose a new reality show. The show would have been called �Who Wants to Marry My Husband?� and would have featured an ex-wife picking her husband�s new mate. Like any of the trashy reality shows, it would have had incentives. The nicer the husband was in the divorce, the more likely he would get a compatible wife instead of the meanest woman his ex-wife could find. The way I was picturing it, if the husband agreed to keep the children, he could get not only a nice wife but a pretty one too. Yes, the way I was picturing it, my husband would be the first contestant and the show would be the only way I might be able to get around our agreement that whoever asked for the divorce first had to take the children too�and it mainly was about managing to get rid of the children. But it is amazing how much difference a day makes.
Some women want money and jewelry. Some want chocolates and roses. But my husband knows the way to my very practical heart and how to get there even when I have strewn the path with thorns and prickers. He stayed home this morning to get a bid from a contractor on repairing the melting wall behind the girls� shower. He also stayed home to let in the plumber who managed to remove the wads and wads of hair from the drain in our shower (and to get the lecture on the proper treatment of drains.) As a bonus, he thought to call and ask whether I cared about the color of the kitchen faucet that bit the dust and required replacement or whether chrome was just fine. (Chrome was just fine but I appreciated his recognition that I might have an opinion on the subject.)
So how is it that I am so fickle that merely dealing with a plumber causes a man to go from potential ex-husband to the love of my life? How is it that I am willing to stick with him even though it means that I risk yet another episode in the over-wrought teenage saga, a true reality show called �Who Really Runs this Household?� Well, stamp show days excepted, life with him is always ...interesting.
Besides, I just cannot see myself on national television, hooking some poor sucker of a woman up to a lie detector (especially given my doubts about the �science� of lie detectors), and asking her, �So, do you really believe you could enjoy life with a man who says,
�Howdy�?� and �Do you really like the color brown�everywhere?� Nor can I see myself asking her prior lovers whether she is a closet Republican or has any other similar nasties in her hope chest.
Besides, I really don�t like the new style I tried at my last haircut. I couldn�t possibly appear on television this way. And one of the biggest reasons of all for keeping him is that he can�t seem to see why not.
LAST YEAR: Corny
TWO YEARS AGO: Sheer Blonde
IN CASE YOU MISSED THEM:
Bath Time
THEY
Finding My Ladder (Yuck!)
The Interviewer
A Claim to Fame Gone
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
