One recipe for an over-involved parent is a parent with a dream unfulfilled. I would have like to go to a prom but our high school discontinued them during my high school years as �too establishment.� They weren�t too establishment for me but one person does not a prom make.

To his credit, Mr. Philately tried to rectify the gap in my background. He had gone to a small town high school and the word had not gotten to Iowa from New Jersey that proms were �too establishment.� The prom was over and done with but New York University�s law school had a party each year to which some wore fancy clothes and some did not. We could afford it because I already owned a formal dress that my mother had made me and he had a tux that he had used when in orchestra in college. We didn�t do a fancy dinner before and we took the subway there. It was something. It was a lot. Still, I would have loved a prom.

And then came Kat�s invitation to the prom and I found my role: handmaiden to the princess. As a general rule, Kat is an unlikely princess. Princesses are generally not tightwads who figure fake jewelry looks as good as the expensive type. Princesses generally are not people whose usual idea of hair care is to wash it occasionally and brush it through quickly. But a mother takes her children as she finds them and molds them, doesn�t she? (Actually, this one usually doesn�t.)

The dresses we saw in the stores were not appropriate for a true princess. Too low-cut. Too sleazy�and, in Kat�s mind, too uncomfortable. She wanted to be able to wear comfortable underwear. She wanted to be able to move without worry. So we found a lovely royal blue satin and a pattern and I made a dress fit for a princess. (Yes, pictures will follow as soon as I finish the roll off today and get them developed.) I spent the better part of a lunch hour finding the perfect necklace at Claire�s.

Then, came the preparations. Friday, we found the perfect lipstick and matching nail polish. We washed her hair and conditioned it. (We washed it the day before because we knew it was supposed to rain on prom night and my hair stylist informed me that curl would stay better on almost-clean hair.) Yesterday, I did her nails completely with manicure, base coat, and top coat. I fussed with hair spray, curling iron, and fancy clips for 45 minutes. When Kat got up from the stool, she complained her rear end was asleep. I helped her into her dress. I sprayed her slip with anti-static spray. I buttoned her buttons. I loaned her my raincoat. I went down my checklist and made sure that all the necessaries were in her purse. (She had a lovely purse that her grandfather had bought her.)

Then, when she was all ready, B-O-Y arrived. His mother has trained him well. He knew he had to suffer through some pictures. He was a bit shy, something I�ve not seen before, but he cooperated. As I snapped pictures, I marveled at how well the two of them cleaned up. Kat put on her wrist corsage, took it off again to get the coat on, put the coat on, and left with B-O-Y�s mother.

Later that evening, we went to the Grand March. I had never heard of having a Grand March but it must have been a great fundraiser for B-O-Y�s high school. You get parents and siblings to buy tickets and you them come to the prom for 20 minutes or so. You then have the couples at the prom come out two at a time while being announced. (I knew there would be announcing of names because B-O-Y had told Kat of being called to the office and discovering it was so that he could give them the correct pronunciation of our last name.) They then marched around the crowd and back out. At the end, the prom�s queen was crowned and the parents and siblings were told to leave so the kids could have fun.

I would have loved being in a Grand March in a fancy dress, makeup, and jewelry. I would have loved walking through parents and siblings in a fancy dress. I�ve never done it. (I was married in an off-the-rack, white, street dress.) I knew then and there that I would have loved prom and nothing in Kat�s happy babbling in the wee hours of this morning changed my mind.

So I�ll have to go to prom vicariously. I�ve done it once and perhaps I�ll do it again. I just hope my girls can survive carrying Mom on their back.

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