Some people get through difficulties by telling themselves, �This too shall pass.� I rarely say, �This too shall pass.� Too much in life is chronic and doesn�t pass. Too much in life requires adaptation, not waiting. Enduring has its place but sometimes expecting to outlast something does not. I therefore have a different motto: �This could be worse.�

When I don�t really expect to outlast something, I begin the search for perspective. Every once in a while, though, when I hear myself thinking, �This could be worse,� I also hear myself responding, �So what? This is bad enough.� If I�m lucky, just then my practical side takes over. When I�m not so lucky, I put all my energy into not just beating my head against a wall and making things even worse.

I�m hearing the �so what?� today. The ironic thing is that on some level, I know that things are not particularly bad. Yes, my body seems to have turned on itself again but it�s treatable. Yes, I�m back on prednisone but I don�t actually have to ingest the stuff and deal with all those side effects like the irritability and the puffiness (although I do like the side effect that helps my allergies.) No, it�s not an exacerbation of multiple sclerosis. While a map of last week would be labeled �Nap City,� the rest of my symptoms are wonderfully stable.

Instead, it�s a new problem: scleritis, an inflammation of the sclera, the white part of the eye. After I realized it was not pinkeye and it was not just going away, I went into the eye doctor. Apparently, it would have just kept getting worse so it�s a good thing I decided to call. It�s much better after two days of drops but there�s still a ways to go.

What seems to be bothering me is that my body has found yet another way to turn on me. There�s no virus or germ. My body simply has decided, yet again and in a new way, to do destructive things to itself. It could be worse. It could have done damage to my vision (although it may try again to do so again. Sigh.) It could have been an MS exacerbation that impaired function. But �it could be worse� is not providing the hoped-for perspective. I�m angry and I don�t even have a someone or a something to be angry about.

As for the anger, this too shall pass. (See, I do use that phrase sometimes.) I�ll get over the latest betrayal, the sense that even my own body won�t do what is in its best interest. I guess as long as I can remember that, I�ll be okay. In a way, nothing has changed. My body has not been trustworthy for years. Knowing that is part of why I�m known as the person with plan A, plan B, and plan C.

It�s okay. Things will snap back in perspective. Besides, it�s hard to put in eye drops when you�re beating your head against a wall.

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