2003-01-07 - 9:53 p.m.
THE ANSWER TO CLARENCE
Clarence has burning questions. Clarence wants to know, among other things, whether, when the soap gets down to an unuseable sliver, it is his responsibility to put in a new bar of soap. Having had a day of facing difficult questions that have no good answer, I am pleased to confront an important question of such magnitude that has a very clear answer. Yes, Clarence, it is your job to put in a new bar of soap.
Similarly, when the toilet paper runs out, the person who used the last piece should replace it. Most of us in this household understand the importance of such things and do it right. One of us (and I won�t say which one although I will point out that it is a daughter not named Day-Hay) has not yet accepted this responsibility. Some members have suggested hiding the toilet paper the next time she fails to complete this chore so that she will be inconvenienced. To date, I have nixed the idea of toilet paper vengeance. It�s not that I do not sympathize. It�s that I don�t want to have to search for the toilet paper because SOMEONE did not do her job.
Clarence also wants to know whether he must keep the cap for spray deodorant when getting it off is so impossible and he is not planning on traveling. I have no spray deodorant but the issues involving the top of the shaving cream seem sufficiently similar that a lack of experience should not get in the way of my answering this crucial question. What may get in the way of a good answer is that I generally lose the lids so quickly that I do not have an opportunity to make a deliberate decision to toss them in the garbage. So, if his real question is whether the lids are necessary, the answer is that of course they are not. He should, however, take care not to put his lidless spray deodorant near anyone�s hairspray or SOMEONE may get upset.
This situation resembles the situation with pens. Pen caps are little. Pen caps get in the way of jotting down notes. Pen caps are hard to remove and even harder to replace. The best pens don�t have caps anyway. Only annoying, cheap pens have caps. Pens are better off without caps. Pay no attention to that Mr. Philately jumping up and down objecting and whining that pens dry out. SOMEONE�s just being noisy and unreasonable.
Finally, Clarence wants to know who SOMEONE is. He hopes he is not SOMEONE. I doubt he wants to be no one. Apparently, he prefers to be just anyone. He should rest assured that in the time I�ve known him online, I�ve always thought of him as someone, but in small letters. I�ve never thought of him as SOMEONE. SOMEONE lives in this house and I know Clarence is not here.
So, Clarence, now that you have the answers, aren�t you glad you asked?
LAST YEAR: Getting Burned
LAST FIVE ENTRIES:
Hypothermia
The Little Something
The Darkest Hour
Mock Trial
Defending Spaces
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
