2003-04-22 - 8:37 p.m.
DRIVING LESSONS
The general ironies of life have a driver who considers herself mediocre teaching her daughter to drive. They have a women with an overall lack of patience sitting in the front passenger seat half-hour after half-hour while being driven nowhere in particular. They have a woman with a roller-coaster temperament willing herself into a zen-like state in which almost all instructions are given calmly and precisely no matter what the situation because life and limb depend on not overwhelming the driver. In other words, driving lessons are teaching the woman in the passenger seat at least as much as they are teaching the teen in the driver�s seat. The lessons learned are just a bit less tangible.
A mom in the front seat with the daughter with the learner�s permit behind the wheel comes to recognize both her own power and, more important, its limits. Making the most of that power and those limits is what driving lessons are all about�at least for the mom.
So what can the parental driving instructor do? She can remove the opportunity to drive in cases of bad attitude if the need arises. But that�s not what this particular beginning driver needs. If this new driver has a bad attitude at all, it stems from fear: fear that she will fail and fear that she is not equal to the task. This driver needs a coach: someone to set up skill sessions in places both appropriate and with as little risk as possible, someone to build skills step-by-step, someone to encourage, and, perhaps most difficult, someone to know when to delegate the battle to the one on the front lines.
A good parental driving instructor doesn�t need to get someone to pierce her tongue. She�ll have one just from holding it. Lofty pronouncements, too many words (no matter how sound the content), and platitudes interfere with learning. At the end of the job, the only question will be whether to purchase a tongue ring or just let the hole heal.
But knowing her powers and how to use them is not enough. The parental driving instructor also must know her limits. She cannot do the driving and there is no brake on her side of the car. Ultimately, she must trust. She must take a leap of faith when there is very little solid evidence of skill. She must believe in something more than her own child�s skills.
Still, the passenger side of the front seat of a car seems a strange place to go to look for God, even if it is one of the places God�s needed the most.
LAST YEAR: You Can�t Go Home Again
Door Number Three
Operator Error
Playing Hooky
A Man With Good Tools
Mom as an Immaturity Factor
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
