2003-04-21 - 4:55 p.m.
DOOR NUMBER THREE
Sometimes apologies are sincere expressions of repentance and reformation. Sometimes they simply are a bit of grease on social interactions. Certain people would say that these apologies are hypocritical and unethical and they can be. But I will not apologize for social apologies used in a good cause.
Take today, for example. The girls are off school for spring break so I agreed to take Day-Hay and a friend to the mall. We knew that the friend was to meet her mother at 3:30 at the drugstore. We arrived there at 3:34. The mother, as my children would say, �went ballistic.� So I apologized.
Usually, I am a prompt person. Actually, I am more than prompt. I am annoyingly prompt. I�m the person who arrives at 3:15 or possibly even 3:00 for a 3:30 appointment because I have left the place before early, just in case. I have had to tell my children not to worry until I am at least five minutes late, even though it very rarely happens.
But I was with the child whose mother had to be asked to agree to my bringing the child back to my house if she had not picked her up within 30 minutes of the end of girl scout meetings. I was with the child for whom the mothers of girls in the troop make special arrangements to pick her up if there is a field trip that requires getting there on time. (The child herself is prompt.) Privately, I have often wondered if her mother can tell time.
So, not surprisingly, I really did not want to apologize. I did not feel badly about my four minutes of lateness. But I did feel sorry for the child. I felt very, very sorry for a child who is on time whenever her mother is not involved and who has to endure time after time of being the very last person picked up. I was not sorry, but livid, when her mother told her that she would not be allowed to go to the mall again because she could not be responsible.
So I apologized, not because I was sorry, not because I believed I was wrong, but because I felt like I had only three choices. First, I could ignore the situation and leave the girl to her sad fate. Second, I could tell her mother off. That solution might have been satisfying for me but it would only have made the situation worse for the girl and she had enough to deal with. Third, I could apologize, hoping it would calm her mother down.
I picked what was behind door number three and it was not a new car. But she did calm down�and that�s worth every apologetic word in my mouth.
LAST YEAR: no entry (and I am not sure why)
Operator Error
Playing Hooky
A Man With Good Tools
Mom as an Immaturity Factor
Maintaining Success
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
