2003-05-18 - 3:15 p.m.
BEING SCARCE
Kat�s project for her computer applications class is on online diaries. She already has approached and interviewed Bev, Marn, The Wondering Jew, and Utstgdwktp. So I was not surprised when she got around to asking me the same questions. The answer to one of those questions made me understand why I have been so scarce around here of late.
Kat asked whether there things I decide not to write about because of other people. The answer, of course, is yes. From the beginning of this diary, I have known that despite the word �diary,� this forum is a public forum. Anyone can read what I write, many of my friends and family members know where to find me, and even people from my past who stumble across this little corner of the internet may find me. I know of at least one person from my past who has stumbled across this diary and recognized me.
But only recently have those limitations stymied me. Right now, there are several areas of my life that naturally come to mind to discuss----and all of them are not for public consumption. Part of the problem is my self-imposed requirement that I try to avoid speaking in generalities. According to the writer in me, the small, correctly described, is one of the most effective ways to discuss the large. Describing the large usually says little about the small.
What I cannot discuss itself probably says a lot about me. I am a state employee and my office is experiencing political turbulence. I have many thoughts and opinions. Stating them publically likely would make the situation worse. So I won�t. I am a school board member and the storm of budget cuts and their implications for my district are swirling around me. Unlike many public schools, the affluence of many of our students means that we really do compete with private schools. I have thoughts about that situation but I fear tipping the delicate balances here if I am frank and, if I am not, what is the point of writing? I am a lawyer with some cases that bother me on many levels but I owe my clients confidentiality.
So it is that I still sit down and write regularly but post only about half of my output I am not censoring my thoughts but I am censoring my writing. My silence, my muteness, is self-imposed. But it becomes a habit.
How fragile public discourse really is�especially about what really matters.
LAST YEAR: Mr. Foot & Friends
Adventures in Prisonland
Personally
The Long and Shorts of It
The Little Matter of the Kitchen
Space in My House
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
