My life is complete. My cup (or is it my tin?) runneth over (and maketh a mess all over the floor but the floor�s already dirty.) Mr. Philately, collector of stamps, coins, binders, magazines, and other junk, has just added to the collection of pamphlets that I keep failing to discourage. He�s proudly shown me our latest acquisition. He�s even offered to give it to me. What is this wonderful thing? It�s a pamphlet advertising the SPAM Museum�and (oh joy, oh rapture), we might just be able to go there someday. This holy shrine is in our neighboring state of Minnesota.

Now, you may be wondering why you have not been lucky enough to obtain your own SPAM Museum brochure. Never fear, there is an internet cure for this deprivation (and no, it is not sending you spam.) You can experience virtually the same thrill I have now. You can visit the SPAM website. You need not miss out just because your husband failed to bring you such a thoughtful gift.

If, however, you really, really, really prefer a brochure, start dropping hints now and maybe you will receive this important document for your birthday or anniversary. If it�s a really important birthday or anniversary, let me know and I�ll put in a good word for you too (if your husband has e-mail and it�s a day I actually have time for e-mail. Priorities, you know.) I�m sure Mr. Philately would be glad to tell him where to obtain these valuable pieces of paper. If you are really good, maybe you can snag more than the brochure. Maybe you can have a second honeymoon in Austin, Minnesota, home of SPAM and the SPAM Museum.

(You may have noted that almost every time I�ve written SPAM, I�ve written it with capital letters. I do that because I�m educated. The website, which I never would have visited but for my husband�s thoughtful gift and concern for readers who may never have received such a gift, educated me. SPAM is the trademark for the food. Hormel, the manufacturer of SPAM, does not object to the use of the term �spam� in place of �UCE� or �Unsolicited Commercial E-mail� as long as you never receive computer spam in capital letters.)

I treasure this gift from Mr. Philately even though I�ve only tried SPAM once. (I�ve tried spam multiple times, only from the receiving end, but it�s not because I�ve wanted to.) Once was more than enough. I�ve never really cared for pork products (although there may be something cultural there.) I�ve never really cared for much spicing. If I want food from a can, I�ll eat tuna fish. But what has the flavor of SPAM really to do with this wonderful pamphlet?

How can one not dream big dreams when informed that the museum has �Theater! Caf�! Game Show! Restrooms! It�s all here?� (Or was that �THEATER! CAF�! GAME SHOW! RESTROOMS! IT�S ALL HERE?�) If I go, I can join an interactive quiz show hosted by Al Franken.(Al Franken?) I could get hands-on training in the production of SPAM. As the brochure points out, �You never know when this skill may come in handy.� What could possibly sound more fun than that?

But now that I�ve received this wonderful gift, I have a problem. What can I possibly get that sweet man I married that could compare?

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