2003-07-13 - 4:34 p.m.
A CLAIM TO FAME GONE
So, you take your hard-earned money and you send your daughter off to a national event expecting a first-hand account and what do you get? Nothing. She does not even know it was a national event and, for what she knows of it, she might as well not have been there. What a disappointment! One more possible claim to fame escapes us, gone with all the rest.
Day-Hay, you see, was at the infamous Pirates-Brewers game this week. She went with the girl scouts at Cybermedia. I have known for years that Day-Hay has about as much interest in baseball as she has in making her bed, perhaps less. But she was born and raised in Milwaukee and she does know about the sausage races. She also knows, unlike most of the national media, that the sausages are not our mascots. They are merely a tradition. Bernie Brewer, the strange man who slides down a slide when there are home runs, is the mascot. He used to slide down into a beer barrel but that was too gauche for our more refined image at the new ballpark although, apparently, the sausages were not.
But did Day-Hay see Randall Simon hit our beloved Italian Sausage with the bat? No, she did not. Did she know that Randall Simon had as our manager Ned Yost put it �our wieners in a wad?� No, she did not. Did she realize that she was a witness to Sausagegate? No, she did not. All she knew was that the Sausages were down and in distress. She assumed accident, not terrorist attack�and I am glad that she still can, even if she was wrong. She remained among those who, if she had joined the ESPN poll would have answered that the most hideous thing about the game was having to watch the Brewers play the Pirates for 12 innings.
Amazingly, she remained ignorant for the entire week. She did not see a news report, read a newspaper, or hear any comical reference. No one among the more than one hundred girls who were witnesses appears to have suspected a thing. Despite hours on the Internet, no one got a clue. Apparently, there still are corners of the world where endless replays of the sausage bashing went unseen.
But then what do you expect of a bunch of computer nerds?
LAST YEAR: Sisters
TWO YEARS AGO: It�s (Not) a Good Thing
IN CASE YOU MISSED THEM:
Rachel Usurps Leah
Sounds of Silence
The Wages of Opinionated Children
Strawberries
My Playboy
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
