2003-04-06 - 2:12 p.m.
THE CLUTTER THAT ATE THE HOUSE
The clutter that ate the house. It�s only been a week since the major clean-up so that the house could look good for company and the clutter is back. Not only is the clutter back, it�s everywhere. It makes me shudder.
The clutter creeps in from outside, hitching a ride with every homework assignment, mail delivery, and stamp collector. It arrives as an innocent piece of paper extolling the virtues of the PTO flower sale. You put it in the recycling bin but somehow it escapes and runs from the kitchen to the living room under cover of darkness. The papers reproduce but you�re not sure whether they do so asexually like amoebas or whether they do it silently and sexually, as prolific as rabbits.
You look around and wonder what the natural predator of clutter is. Some mothers may be but, as a predator, I seem to be amazingly ineffective. I may be one of the only people around here that destroys clutter but I�m also one of the producers. When it comes to clutter, I�m no more of a tiger than the Siamese fighting fish I owned when I was in college. That poor fish was bullied by the goldfish that shared his bowl. It wasn�t until years later that I learned that one should not put Siamese fighting fish and goldfish in the same bowl for the sake of the goldfish.
Maybe the clutter is alive. Perhaps paper is not manufactured in Appleton or some similar city. Perhaps it comes from outer space. Given the propensity of papers to hide behind desks and couches, clearly papers possess some intelligence. I�m not sure what they eat to stay alive but it�s always possible that I�d have even more dust bunnies if not for the papers. If they eat dust bunnies, it would explain why my house has more clutter than my grandmother�s ever did. You ever try to find a dust bunny in that house? My grandmother believed in annihilating dust bunnies. A mop in her hands wasn�t just a cleaning implement. It was a weapon.
So what does clutter fear (other than my grandmother and she�s not alive to menace clutter anymore)? If I were paper, I suppose that I would fear a lit match but lit matches might have other consequences with which I do not care to deal. I might fear recycling bins but not while Mr. Philately is around. As long as Mr. Philately is around, rescue is not only possible but reasonably likely�and getting rid of Mr. Philately seems a bit more than I�m willing to do too.
Hmmm.....Maybe I will just have to make peace with the clutter. What would happen if I took a page out of the Iraqi book and declared victory right now? Clutter? There�s no clutter in the periphery of MY house. I could even keep up little guerilla actions and hope the clutter eventually decides my house isn�t worth it. That strategy, after all, does seem to be Hussein�s best chance. (I do hope, however, that the clutter doesn�t expect uprisings inside my house by furniture or something and that the clutter does not expect to be considered a liberator.)
The Clutter that Ate the House. Now there�s a horror story for you.
LAST YEAR: War of the Water Balloons
I Can See Clearly Now
Influence and Control
Day-Hay�s Bat Mitzvah Speech
New Again
Silenced by Visions
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Copyright 2006 by Ellen |
